Top worst & best things of the last decade (in draft)

The fear driven decade.

1.Taliban destroying of the Buddhas in Bamiyan March 2001
2. Dramatic display of individualism and progress phobia: Bush's anti-choice policies, anti-gay marriage groups, tea party, Sarah Palin and friends.
3. Dramatic rise of a purpose-less and self-obsessed society driven by consumerism, material gain and immediate gratification.
4. Climate change impact and denial.
5. Two wars driven by fear rather than threat.

The underlying secretly good stuff going on

1. Obama elected to presidency bc he is calm, thoughtful, innovative, evidence-based and dedicated.
2. A national meditation on what a good economy is, what a good society is, and what a good government is.
3. Advancement in what we are allowed to be as individuals.
4. More democracies.
5. An emphasis on a need for a common purpose and communal sensibility in society.

When you are good, like good through and through, you don't have mean thoughts about people, you don't really want ill will for anyone, you don't manipulate, or strategize against anyone, you don't go after what you want only, you constantly think about the right thing, the best thing, the good thing it may not be popular, nor please people, but it is the right thing. You trust people, bc you trust yourself. You trust people bc what you feel is safety. When you are like that, its hard to understand people that aren't like that. People that take advantage of others, use others, manipulate others. It's hard to imagine people that can do that, or why.

Mistakes Cost As Much As the Value they bring you

If you drop 100K into a partnership that failed, you will most likely learn A LOT from that mistake. Enough to last you a lifetime. Enough information and wisdom will come out of that mistake to make you very prepared for your next business.

If you drop 4K on an expert that failed you you will know about 4000 ways how you need experts to work, what EXACT kind of expertise you need and how to choose one in the future.

If you drop 50K on a system that ends up being crap for your needs, you will know 50k worth of how to pick a system, build it, and use it.

The truth is that the more is at stake, the more learned.*

So don't be scurred.

* BIG FAT CAVEAT: YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY HAVE COURAGE TO REFLECT ON YOUR MISTAKES FOR THIS TO ACTUALLY WORK.

Special Yalda-First winter solstice eclipse since 1638

What do you do when something is happening that hasn't happened in CENTURIES? I think you stop and hope big. Real big.

when the full eclipse happened it was the most bizarre feeling. the moon was just a white ball in the sky, and i thought for a second that i was a little pretend person in a little pretend galaxy with strings attached to each star and ball. it was very strange. 

Eclipsing Luna

Happiness is knowing that you know how to get your mojo back if you lose it.

Proximate damage

In our distance
I can enjoy you safely
In our proximity
I must protect myself
From those bitter
People inside of you 

32 1

32 1
Boots crunch through snow
While the thin wood
breaks in bt my teeth
& Wikis 
Leak 
 I made mistakes
Overthought it
And underthunk 
I was embarrassingly selfless
And shamefully selfish
I forgot the right people
& remembered the wrong ones
I objectified personified and stupified
I mistook
Shook
And went back anyways
I did stupid 
And did brilliant
Though one was lost in the wash
I missed no one
And danced it in
Like it was 2.  3. 
I turned my back to the crowd 
Looked at solitary tree
Covered n white
Out the window
Boom in my chest
Happiness
u know
Well ive grown tired
But right before 
Good night
Thank you

the snow fell up

the snow fell up
from the ground into the white sky
a year passed
today compared
to today last year
was like the tropics
compared to the mountains
who we were
who we had become
if you come to me
bring me
that part of you
was in the womb

no goodbye

This morning

After the snow started

And the bed was warm from all the sleep

I dreamed I was trying
to see if you were still there

lying asleep in the other room

My eyes welded together

Like two steel doors

I had no control

Facing darkness

Wanting to see

Struggling to see

If you were still there

To say goodbye

properly

Sitting in Evin

You are 31

like me

You are funnier than me

I am more sarcastic

You have green eyes

and short hair

You will turn 32 in a few months

Me, sooner

I drink whiskey in the cold winter

and buy coffee in the size of a cup

already made

I walk to the movies

and to work

I feel

the company

of people

in the streets

I make mistakes

bigger ones that you made

and I go home at night

You don't

You sit

sit

and sit

in the opposite of home

You may walk around for 15 minutes

a day

You don't talk to anyone

He doesn't either

he is 28

a computer programmer

will he remember how to program

when he gets out?

how quickly does the mind

go soft?

How long can the mind

converse with itself

before

it loses who said what

and it all becomes noise

that no one hears

He was a journalist

She played piano

They are our age

They sit

alone

and watch years of growth

go by

how big is that building?

there are so many of you

 how do you architect

a building

that seals

the dreams

of youth?

Sitting in Tehran

She can't talk to anyone
He can't either
he is 28
a computer programmer
will he remember how to program
when he gets out?
how quickly does the mind
go soft?
How long can the mind
converse with itself
before
it loses who said what
and it all becomes noise
that no one hears
He was a journalist
She played piano
They are our age
They sit
alone
and watch years of growth
go by

how big is that building?

there are so many of you
 how do you architect

a building
that seals

the dreams

of youth?

Fastest Way Out Was Through

I woke up through
We both knew
there was an end
it was a matter of interpretation
but we prolonged it
I thought
fastest way out
was through

I finally forgot you a little last night

There aren’t many

Like you
I know, I've tried 

I’ll give me time

Something will make em

stay

Something always

makes you go

We didn’t make it to the winter

Surprised we made it to the fall

You don’t know I’m gone

Most of the time I don’t either

Realized I missed you

Monday

And probably more

Yesterday

Has an effect on me

To not have you around

Fastest way out was through

I could keep going
for a little bit more
But the agony of the spaces in
between the more
and the less
made me
wake up through

Sitting in Wrong until Right comes back

Sitting in wrong
right now
And sitting in wrong
is right
Until wrong is gone
and right comes back

Winter is here

 I am going in, in, in.

From 65 degrees to 45 degrees in two hours

raining like hell

temp dropping

me pooped from

monday & tuesday

feeling tired and daydreamy today

my hair cut is

a square shape

i broke up w my hair

person finally

two year dragged out affair

i can do better

clouds are moving

fast

rain has stopped

looking forward to sleeping

the week before 2011

then starting up again

rhum rhum rhum

finally identified someone for

the bloody program officer

position

hope they don't quit

2010 was big von

feel like i went from

just liquids

to solids 

in just six months

The Lines

On the subway

Going from Brooklyn into Manhattan

In the window

Next to the woman

With tight sinewy braids, curved pink fingernails,

And a black leather jacket

that covered her round belly

I saw them

Two lines from my nose

To my mouth

I wanted to show you

"A new morning"

you sang 

I danced 

We Played

To push away

Our years

We’ve always been old

Stealth parting

The quiet came fast

We craved it like fresh air

Distance

And spoken borders

Separated us

And we let it

Most definitely agree

I think not just for women, but for men too, America has got it all wrong. As humans we need to laugh and play and create and fill our souls, not just "crank."  Day time schedules and work schedules need to start understanding this. We are a rich enough country that we can afford to chill. And chill we should. Maybe if we chill more, we will mature more, and actually have more wisdom. Horrible schedules, deadlines, kill the part of us that can reflect and grow. The sooner we realize this, the happier the whole country will be.

http://www.slate.com/id/2274736/pagenum/all/#p2

locals

I read the article but need to reread to give anything substantial. I thinks it's quite good. Some of the sentences are super long though I like them I have heard too many disparaging remarks about what these locals call a "run-on sentence" personally I think they are a beautiful though a difficult written form for their complexity but ppl here generally hate complexity.

WO MAN

Every modern person between 20-50 years old has three parts. The working part, the creating part, the emotional part. Most only develop the first. Some special ones develop the first and the second. Very rare ones develop all three.

And so it was.

Go

Stop 

Conversation

good ian fleming quotes that reminded me of you
'the blubbery arms of the soft life had Bond round the neck and they were slowly strangling him.  he was a man of war and when, for a long period, there was no war, his spirit went into a decline.'
 also:

'he had thought to break Bond's nerve by playing him for ten thousand dollars.  but goldfinger could not have known that high tension was bond's natural way of life and that pressure and danger relaxed him.'




Five years ago only war, literally, could keep me un-depressed. But war is  superficial to keep me. Now it's something much much more close to the bone. Nature, colors, smells, sounds, and the most powerful of all, an elevated human. And the process of creating that occurs  after the interaction w all of the above.

Love from Brooklyn
M

- Hide quoted text -

If I close my eyes when you sing I can feel you in my stomach until you and my stomach cease to exist. We are absorbed into the atmosphere. We become sparkling lights like the reflections on the leaves of a tree in sunshine.

hold onto
                 the truth
                                       and let the rest
                                                               fall away

i like challenges. its true. i like to fight. but i get tired too.

Nice to roll with a man who's man enough to roll with me

fleurs

explosions

L(i)ove

When you let people come in, move through you, and leave, you live, you love, you grow.

everything love

found my heart

Control

It was dark and warm

The morning was slow to come

My eyes didn’t open

They saw the light on the inside of my eye lids

I felt hopeful

And certain

Like a little girl

I knew it was endless

The possibilities

Everything sparked

I was calm

And in control

The light was gentle

we were careful

doubt

everywhere everyone doubts. it forces them to eat at O'Charleys, shop at the mall, and buy houses. they wear striped shirts. and the same colors in different order and different combinations. they clean often. they don't make messes for fear of cleaning more. they tell you its highly unlikely. they tell you the way things are makes things impossible to change. they like  big tvs and couches. other languages feel hostile. smells are offensive. rain is to be avoided. people are to be controlled. age is a determinant. money is more important than laughter. weather is ignored. kisses are for lovers only. taste should not be bitter, tart, or too savory. sand and dirt should be washed off. hands should be washed with soap. friends are for good times only. dancing alone is weird.

Google Gods Give

http://www.google.com/transparencyreport/governmentrequests/

burning fall equinox

last night's sun
was half the sky
a shade of pink
like red was turning to orange
it moved too swiftly
for everyone to see
slipping into the horizon


The heat
Snapped a leaf onto
The concrete
Coral with yellow veins
It's head was an arrow
Pointing up, forward
Or out


I walked on the sidewalk
Against the fall equinox sun
That Burned the air
My gait was right and left
back and forth
It was taking me time
To get where I was going
Exhausted from the burn
I could neither stop
Nor go back
 clumsily
I waded forward

time right before colors

Its soft cold in the morning
Dark breeze in the evening
Its blazing sun at noon
Its electric connections
No missed opportunities
Only happenings
Its focus
and the time right before colors
equinox magic
there is no longing
no wanting
just weather
the gentle birth of chilly air
a new phase
quiet outside
loud inside

I saw a woman

Dance the way you do
the Venezuelan way
the weight on the front foot
and the hold
and then back onto the other foot
and the hold
I forgot that way
and I love that way
and I didn't know it
until I saw her do it
years ago
we had a good year and a half of that dance
I felt you immediately
thought of you in Sweden
Like all of you
I wasn't quite ready for you
unprepared, we happened any ways
and then unhappened too

the You changed
a year later
You were blond and ocean eyed
I was with you in Colombia
you brought tears to me
the way you understood
you- old man and small boy-
your combination
of play and depth
I crave still some days
Sounds and colors
our ecstatic frenzy
we were the church
you ran from
at 12

a year later
the You became
a Man
masculine
forceful
assertive
irreverent
You did as you pleased
and that pleased me
you weren't ready for me
for femininity
and gingerly
my raw exposure
And quicker than the rest
our off-road
adventure
fell apart on the concrete

All of you are inside now
all of you still linger

You are meaning

I long for the day
I can walk your forest path
Swim your caverns
Climb your slippery ice

I didn't want to leave
any of you
I barely got away
cowardly through words
but I had to

Destiny
could not
Wait
Now she and I walk together
remembering you
the love
the power
as fresh
as the first meal

Conformity

"I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America." alex de tocqueville

"Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and a lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul. She becomes all outer show and inward emptiness; dull, callous, and indifferent." virginia woolf

pUsHarDer

Push harder
stronger
slower
alone
and with them
those
that are pushing slower too
Don't give up
don't give in
Push
through
feel it
feel all of it
but don't do all of it
Do what inspires you
Pretend
other people
never existed
and ice cold
was never cool
Who were you in the womb?
let that newborn
guide you
pUsH
when you don't know
stop
stop for as long
as you aren't sure
and then when you are
a little sure
StArT
again
and PuSh
age
time
space
are meaningless
time is eternal
Push

markets are subversive

Sometimes

Concrete looks like water.

Mr Clark

The black man who was born
60, 70, or 80 years ago
in the row house
next to my apartment
who still lives in the house
and does so alone.
was walking around
with his walking stick
and fancy new white tennis shoes
A man with an Indian accent was talking to me
about my dresser drawer that I
put out for someone to take

Mr Clark: You got another dresser?
Me: Yes, its blue.
Mr Clark: From where?
Me: IKEA. its pine, it smells great
Mr Clark: Just wait till it rusts.
Me: Rots?
Mr Clark: Rusts. You put stuff on it and it will smell and rust.
Me Thats what my dad said. But it sure is nice.
Mr Clark pulls out a cigarette. Do you have other blue furniture?
Me No.
Mr Clark What?
And walks away

Happy Birthday Schwes by mary

Some people live a life time

Looking for love

In the street

Searching for tenderness

 in their marriage

Some people travel the world

Looking for companions

People to laugh with

And to ogle at the passerbys

Or to jump in the sea

And giggle in its foam

Some people

Never know how to hold hands

For love

Or hug for life

Some body has never wiped

The hair from a sweaty scared brow

or known

How to be gentle with a growing heart

or careful with a hurting body

Some people search and search

For the truth in others

never having known it

Some people

Haven’t written an honest letter

About their insides

Holding it all in

They haven’t heard a voice on the phone

And known

The kind of day

That voice has had just by its sound

Some people

Haven’t slept in twin beds

Double beds

And on couches

With another

Some people

Haven’t watched another grow

Some people

Haven’t helped another

Stretch further

Some people haven't kept

a bond going

for thousands of miles

over years and years

Some people haven't heard

the wailing of pain

in a heart hurt by disappointment

Some people haven't heard

that wail turn into a laugh

a moment later

Some people haven't held a newborn

and watched 29 years later

when she held her own

Others have judged others away

Those people never had a sister

Flor

For those of us actually still working in August

reaching our burn out levels

here is my gift to you

and gift to me

from the cacti god

the most perfect flor

Women & Music

Great info from women about being in music

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128528494

Grados de Calor

the sun is like a computer battery
that needs to be unplugged
the difference between the shade
and shine
is muchos muchos grados
de calor
the sound is
zi zi ziziziziz
secadas singing up and down
in some hilly melody
the crickets do their
brief and prolonged
zhip zhip zhiiiip
I walked the old field
where we used to run
mosquito feasting
on brown skin
salty body water
sliding out of pores
onto a cotton shirt
enveloped between grass
and trees
couldn't just drive by
or sit on the car
had to swim in the growth
like the quenching ripples of water
it pulled me in
a mermaid of the trees
the grass sweat
smelled of our days
of running
every afternoon
in the bowels
of this raw green
I longed for nothing
felt no nostalgia
there was no memory
I desired
no,
it was that it had all
passed
and was inside of me
I reveled in it
with each
heat delayed stride

nashville

what will i say? i will say its sunny here, and nostalgic. i picture me and my highschool girl friends, the ones i am still quite close to, driving down one of this windy tree filled streets, listening to indigo girls & simon & garfunkel (yes I know) singing loud while drinking a nashville favorite- fruit tea. i picture us in the pool all day laughing and analyzing the minutiae of guy behavior and our latest personal goals and dreams. and slowly over the years we accomplished them, gradually becoming pretty remarkable women..;) 

anyways there is nothing like summer in this town. and what a town its become. the local social newspaper that we used to read in highschool is unrecognizable...highlighting musicians, artists, restaurants, and vibe that i just always dreamed about. nashville is v brooklyn now. and better cuz its cheaper and its southern which means its happier. who would have ever imagined. 

as we sat in the restaurant after my mom picked me up from the airport to eat some sort of lunch breakfast, i felt so relaxed by how, well, how relaxed every one else was. people looked like they didn't really have to do THAT much today. it was a happy feeling. and it had an effect. immediately i felt like the edge was melting. 

balking and breaking

The light was hasty to leave

At 6:45AM it shined in lines on the summer bed sheet

By 7 it had raced out of the sky

The living room was black

Last night we didn’t walk

We who trek in downpours

And illegal humidity

Yesterday oxygen balked

Rebelled

And all that was left

Was air that choked

The throat

and brought an unexpected

ache to right corner

of the forehead

so we stayed in and laid about

in skirts

holding short glasses of

icy tart alcohol

but that all changed

when the light did

this morning

the oxygen protest

was broken

with a succession of crashing

banging
stunning and cracking
the cool water
pushing and pulling
the air
forcing it into submission
minutes later

a new breeze

breathing restored

a new day

i'm wiser

like the leaf that falls
to the grey
scratchy concrete
unable to tolerate
the heat
i give up
to me
when i
meet
someone like you
you

like the storm that blew
harder than we expected
I'm the tree that you
fell
you turned off the electricity
and blocked the road

you who neither stays
nor goes away

you who neither will be
nor was

you took my skin like
it was silk to wrap
around you

you who used your hand
to change my direction
like the clay on a pottery wheel

you who still sits in my skin and
like the itch of
a mosquito bite
from the weekend trip to the lake

Unable to control myself
i scratch you
and you grow
you grow

August ur the apex

August you are the culmination
You are the moment of truth
clumped into a month
You are cool breezy days of fall
squeezing their way into
hot oxygen-less days of the tip
of summer
August you are the breaking point
the place where I can't go beyond
as the same
the place where I can't stop & wait
August
you are reflection
of this thick skinned summer
and its birthing sunset rains
August you are the question
of the Fall
August you are quiet
cause everyone left the city
and yet you stir in me
August
take me there
to the next place

What a voice

Andrew Bird

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128957393

Those Days

Those days

Where concrete

And AC

Feel very wrong

Those days

When guitars

And voices

Are the only thing right

Those days

When I miss a stranger

More than anyone

Those days

When it could be more right

Those days

When there is space between

Shadows and sunlight

Those days

When I can remember

Things were better

Those days when I hope

Those days

When all I can do is wait

Those days

When I learned too much

To go forward too fast

Come to me

 strong

Those days

when the sky is neither blue

or gray

just smoggy 

Those days

when I'm hungry

but there isn't anything to eat

Those days

Stuff I don't like

I don’t like that

Coming and going

Stuff

That luggage

Over the shoulder

Stuff

I don’t like that

Here when im here

Gone when im gone

Stuff

I like the

I’m down the street

Doing my thing

We can see each other

Whenever we need

I like the

Talk when we talk

See when we see

Kind of stuff

I like the lets go here

And let’s do this

Whenever we wanna

Cause we are always around

kind of stuff

I like the years go by

and we see each other

in all kinds of ways

kinds of stuff

the you know me

and i know you

kind of stuff

the we don't hide 

from each other

kind of stuff

Morroco To Share- from the May trip

i know now

i know now
what it feels like
to be understood
after a life time of
no understanding
neither from myself
nor from others

i know now
what it feels like to be
held and loved
by an expert
lover
and holder

i know now
what it feels like
to be listened to
for hours and hours
as the restaurant closes
and we move
to the dock
dangling our feet
with someone
who really wants to hear me

i know now
what it feels like
to play and play
with some one
who can meet me on
the top of the dirt hill
and roll down
just as fast

or go to the bottom of
the ocean
blowing bubbles
as we hold hands swimming up
to the sunshine rayed water

i know now
what it feels like
to hold the phone
and call someone
crying
unable to do it
anymore alone

i know now
what it feels like
to help a stranger
shocked by the unfair
evil of the moment
give her refuge
while the world
slowly becomes
safe again

i know now
to hold my momma
when she is weeping
grateful
that at least
i can be careful
with her

i know now
how to tell a friend
when she isn't happy
when she wants to be

i know now
how to win something
i wanted to win

i know now
how to lose something
i wanted to win more

i know now
how to fail successfully
by confronting
previous mistakes

i know now
that nothing makes me
happier
than weather
water
laughing
creating
and love

i know now
that giving
is special
and getting is too
and both should
go together
or i deplete
like a battery

i know now
that age
and image
are useless indicators
for meaning

i know now
what it feels like
when someone really
really
likes you

i know now what it feels like
to come down two mountains in one
day
while someone leads the way
careful
that i go all the way

i know now
that there is always
someone
watching over me
it may just be
that i haven't said hello
to him or her yet

i know now
that there is a lot
a lot
a lot out there

i know now
that everything is already
very alright

i know now what it
felt like
when i jumped
into your arms

i know now
when it ain't me babe
and how to tell you
and when

i know now
what the silence
of a coward
feels like
and i can smell
the stink of avoidance
from a few feet away

i know now
what it feels like
to want to preserve
life

i know now
how to look in your eyes
and tell you
everything is alright
when it isn't
but it has to be

i know now
when words don't
speak actions

&
when actions
feel like love
while the words said
feel
like ice

i know now
what effort
looks like
and how hard it will go

im not interested

i'm not interested
in your disinterest
i'm not intrigued
by your distance
your fear
of magic
is not fascinating
nor a consequence
of some brilliant
act of wisdom

i'm not compelled
by your
repel
i'm not saddened
by your choice
of unhappiness

i'm too busy
seeing the
blue sky
and clear lake
before me
to wonder
about when
you will choose
the path
of least resistance

the truth again

I created an ideal
A prototype
Out of flesh
Unfair it was
Unfair
Cause
You are you
Maybe the perfect version of you
But you aren’t him
That ideal
Hollywood concoction
Created out of my boredom
And so I did it
Again and again
Until one day
I stopped
And started to see
Who you and you and you
Are
Much more interesting
That what I imagined
Less convenient too
And so I go
And so I go
Learning you
And you and you
As I go
As I go
I learn me too
I am different than what I thought
And I am what I always was
Nothing is so
Extreme
But everything is quite magical

inside out

The thing is
What I thought
What I bought
Was not what I knew
Inside
Not what I knew to be
True
You telling me okay
You telling me to stay
You telling me to stray
It was all you
And you
And you
And I brought you inside
To the most sacred of places
Deep down in my belly
Up into my ears
So that I heard your voice
Every day
Not the voice to hear
Not the voice to listen to
But the one that ruled
Telling me the world is to be
Feared
Love is far away
And trust is for the foolish
It was me the foolish
Not to hear the tiny
Quiet voice
In
That said everything is more than okay
As it is
Everything is only okay
If we sit tight
Listening intently
To what is inside
Growing what is inside
Flying with what is inside
Only then
Only only then
Are we true

Women's Work

This is a great study on whats going on with women and work in the world. The most notable aspect is that the US is the only country not to mandate maternity leave in the study of 100 something countries.
And that I definitely belong in Scandinavia. Always felt kinda funny here...

The Bestest Geek Conference Ever...I guess

http://www.thenexthope.org/grid/

They will Say things

They will Say Things

Things

They will Say things
and Say things
and Say things again

One day they will Say this
This This THIS

the next day they will
Say no to This
and Say definitely definitively surely wholeheartedly
That
oh yes THAT
So much of that that That

That will become encased en gold
You and your friends will go looking for it
It will be sold-out
Before it is available
Sold-out That
And you will love him
Because he has That


and then they will Say
PSHAAW
That and This
is all wrong
The will Say those
Say those Those oh yes Those
Those are so
yes Sooo

and You will cry
You will stay home
you will hide
Remembering the days
when they said That
Oh you were OUT
You were dancing!
DANCING
You must have sang a bit too

But the day they Said Those
You went in
You hid
Because they were Saying Those
and so they were Saying
No...
to you

Under your blanket
You wish
Wish they would simply
go back to saying
That
oh the days of That

And then
after weeks and minutes
and even five years
of reminiscing
and crying
suddenly
In between washing the dishes
and taking out the trash
You start Saying
Saying and Saying
You Say
Say
and Say

How do I work this?

talking heads
is
right

foliage

Morning stream
Violet sky
olive streets
the rain dancers
rocked back & forth
hands waving in the sky
water drops squeezed from the cotton sky
the city tropics
unscrunch
and open
like the chest of grand ballet dancer
pushed into the sky
while the 100 degree burned
are coy in their re-greening
the rest of us cradle inside
hiding for a few

Cluster Fuck

The bad sides of Washington:

Meetings are either
1- a cluster fuck- everyone that's an expert on vague things becomes an expert on specific things suddenly: ie i work on middle east, so i am going to talk about blogging because middle easterners blog and then they leave it once it isn't a trend.
2- administered by generalists who don't know how to extract really important details from panelists/audience, instead of wide trends, lets talk about how something does or doesn't work specifically
3- are full of people that think the same way, so nobody learns anything new.
4- are attended by or organized by people who do not care about society or people anymore, instead they are concerned with getting published because that's how they will keep their current fellowships/think tank positions. not much is on the line for them in terms of the populations they serve.

The good sides of Washington:

1- a bunch of people are choosing not to go to meetings, and instead of working in coffee shops on cool projects that make a difference
2- a bunch of people are choosing to be creative instead of talkative
3- a bunch of people are meeting to create, produce, or reflect on concrete projects

July Don't Stop

July don’t stop
Your wall of un-oxygenated
Air
And the waves of light
That shine inside
the atmosphere's skin
Making a dull heavy glow
like an enormous sun cloud
ready to emit
sunshine hail
Things cook and interact
React and suddenly create
In that solid stuffy holdable heat
Warm like a silk blankets on our skin
Hot like sweaty armpits
Clothes barely permitted
Smells enhanced and around
We can’t hide ourselves
July don’t stop
Give me my hot mornings of a sun rayed bed,
One thin sheet only
eyes swollen with summer sleep
dried chlorinated hair
moaning of the AC
July don’t stop
Helping me find my kind
The tropical beach makers
The apartment is a stove
Only the naked will survive

Forgetting and Remembering in July

The air was like a blanket you would throw off
In the heat of the middle of the night
We walked through it like a cobweb
As we strolled down the sidewalk
The time for flowers and blooms
Was over
It was skin and ice cream
I walked with you
Letting
The sun
Beat in our sweaty hearts
We will continue
Until we stop
You twirl me
Grab me
Kiss me
And we forget
Until morning

Alone
In the shower
words and melodies
thoughts and
reviews
water dazzles
in the window's rays
I know
I don't have to search
My shoulders wash
Wet feet step onto the floor

the morning goodbye
an hour before
hardens like the fresh concrete
with the child's footprint
stuck in it

chemical child raising?

See I had been looking for quite some time
For something I couldn’t really define
Sometimes I got close
And then I always got far
Bc what I wanted
And what was
Still were not the same
Then we
went dancing
On the second floor
Of that restaurant
That night
I thought we
Were just going to eat
And talk about politics
Turned out
You wanted to womanize
And so you did
I wondered if I would block it
Or let it be
But then on that dance floor
U came to me
Was it then
Or before
When it happened?
The chemistry?
Was it just movement
and skin
just hands holding
and mutual absurdities
things of no value
in the daily life
of bills and child raising?
your smell
is what I crave
now as I wonder these things
a simple night
of spontaneity
feels so right
against
the sky
of not quite

the thing about summer

is that it reveals
those who know how to play
and those who don't

Europe

makes me sentimental

Food Rule -1

feed your soul
only pure grade A
organic
natural
energy producing
music inspiring
giggle requiring
gdp decreasing
seretonin releasing
day after smiling
forever lasting
L O V E

Gorgeous

Smooth built body
Face that you can stare at for hours
every one crowds around them
where do this beauty gods come from?
Old Compton. Street on a Saturday afternoon
Soho London
I'm jus passing thru
To get to that Chinese noodle place
W the salty lemon soda
& buttery noodles that comfort more than potatoes
I share the table w two women
Who talk n soft deep voices about one
Of their pending break ups
The married one asks relationship questions
The break up one gives romance answers
Jasmine tea smoked chicken
Tastes special
& new
Sun reflects in tan colored oil drops
On a fake porcelain plate
I'm running out of time
Sitting in the changing breeze
Of London

the air was full

The air was full
Even though the sky
Doors opened yesterday afternoon
To Drop a dump of rain
That interfered w our meeting on
The tenth floor
It was a morning to sleep
While the air was cooler
And the sun hiding
Under a thin sheath of cloud
the sky was like the ocean
Wavy and changing
Bright white with blue sky hidden behind
A man with orange brown skin, curly hair swept the sidewalk in a blur jumpsuit
I looked at him he looked back and said good morning as he dumped the brush and dirt into the large truck
In the circle a blond woman with perfect red lipstick and rings on her yellow toes sat cross legged and too glamorous for us
On another bench a man and a woman in sandals and shorts
He held the watermelon half while she eyed it waiting for him to finish his words and xommence on scraping the bits of watermelon
It was 9:32 in the morni g
At the tip of the circle
A young man's back with broad shoulders
Covered by an orange polo shirt collar
Pushed up
Brown branded purse dangles low across his chest below his hip
He stops to help a Russian woman with nail polish red hair find massachusetts
Tuesday morning
Everything still moving too fast

Caleb

It was a cool Saturday morning
The fulcrum in my stomach wobbled
The world was shaken
Twisted
And turned
A comet shot down into our chest
That night
And things hadn't been the same
A summer solstice
Suffering
stomach lightening
Every six minutes
Breath
She looks at his picture
A womb shot
He tears release
Red eyes
My chest trembles
I fight to conceal it
His mother is our baby
a day later
Frog legs fold under his bum
Wrinkles at his knees
My pinky covers his neck
Asleep on her chest
Ice, skin, organs, melt
For him
In the wide window
Green leaves shiver
In the Afternoon sun
Crossing through them
We keep going
Moving forward
Wanting to look back
We try in the seconds before
Steel eyelids
Remember to close
Limbs spasm
Bodies
Escape to rest
Steel doors open
Time to move again
Time to feed him
Time to try
I miss him while I wait for the train
I have no idea what it is I miss
But I must look into the melon shaped eyes of his mother on his face
Again

Caleb

all those things
those things
that i thought about
the way something was said
the way something was done
the way we loved
the way we hated
the color and
the light
the surroundings
all according to moi
then the hospital
then caleb
cherub
and now
well I don't know
Life is lighter somehow
bc it revolves around him

Caleb

The door was cracked open. I am not sure why, it seemed like a closed door event. Mom stood across the hall that we weren’t really allowed to stand in. Her tiny body stood almost half of the doorway of the public kitchen where we poured our tea and got ice since arriving the night before at 2 something AM. Mom wore shorts and a sleeveless shirt revealing the precipitance with which she left the house last night. She pulled her thin wool sweater pulled across her chest in worry. I stood in the doorway and watched my sister through the reflection of the glass. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back towards me. The doctor was pushing and pulling shot after shot into her back, quickly, precisely, with the confident of a computer. I thought there was only one shot, so I kept telling mom it was over, when it wasn’t. Finally he pulled a long tube with a needle at the end and injected it into her like she was the end of a vacuum cleaner. I tried to see her reaction, her head bent over, her body exhausted from hours of lightning strikes in her stomach. Her head jumped as every shot went in. I looked back at my mom, and told a lie, it was over everything is okay. Then it was. The vacuum shot was pulled, the plastic peeled from her back. Everything was okay.
We waited outside. Until a blond nurse that I didn’t recognize ran into the room. I followed. Of course I did. Mom, wisely, stayed outside. Walking slowly in, I saw them moving her from one side to the next. Then “get on your hands and knees.” Danny stood there, halted. I moved passed him. Leila was holding the oxygen mask to her mouth and holding herself up on all fours. The three women, Dr Jackson, Jordan and the chief nurse that I hadn’t recognized were in control. It was apparent. The head nurse rubbed Leila’s back and told her to breathe deeper, slower. “Relax your shoulders.” She did. Just like she did everything that she was told was right to do. My hands rubbed through her hair like before, like those times before, little Leila. Her long skinny fingers curled around my hand and her eyes looked forward, focusing on her breath, on getting this right. She stayed there on her knees, one elbow and one hand. Danny sat next to her. They found each other’s eyes and tears began to roll down Leila’s chipmunk cheeks. The oxygen mask became fogged up by congestion. A tissue and wiping of her nose. Oxygen mask back on. I told her that all three of the women looked calm. By then the anesthesiologist had come in and injected a drug called ephinedrine or something into her medicine bag. Six eyes stared at the screen monitoring the baby’s heart. I stared at them then back at Leila. Mom had come in by now, unable to withstand not knowing. She was in the corner, tears wetting her face. Stay focused.
Ten minutes later, Leila was on her side, still with oxygen on her mouth. Two hours later, I was asleep on the couch. The doctor came in and checked her, half asleep I heard she was dilated 3 cm. Mom had taken over and was helping Leila watch the heart rate. Leila was elated, she was going to go for it. Wait it out until 10 cm.
Eight o’clock. A new doctor on shift. Third doctor since we arrived. He checked. His face let us know first. Leila brought up c-section. 7 minutes later the decision was made. An hour later Leila was rolled in with a baby, wrapped up like a piece of bread on her chest.

Refuse

Refuse
To describe relationships according to their profitablity
To use the word value
In terms of money
To structure my life around
Things I want to consume
To do things bc of their outcomes
to rape creativity of it's virginity
By making it self-conscious of
its a place in a market
To push end
To convince you it's worth it

Wobbly

I was restless
And barely awake
It was all uneasy
Not doing anything
And yet things were getting done
Slower than usual
I didn’t know where I was
Kind of like
A piece of furniture
Had been removed
I felt like I was
Going and coming
But walking on some spongy
Wobbly Bouncy
Floor
Neither standing still nor
Moving forward
Felt very good
I held onto a thought to
Keep smiling
Feels like the uncertainty
Of falling in love
And the uncertainty after
Love has left

June

June was hydrangeas
fuchsia, and delicate purple
white and sweet blue
it was a bush of green and periwinkle
it was the breaststroke
and the smell of sewer
coming from Rock Creek Park
it was late nights of play
and new eyes to look into
it was heat
countered by downpours
a few nights without AC
it was getting closer
and much further
it was long walks into
changing light
from dusk
to sunset
to night
it was the same bird at the
tidal basin
as the week before
it was music
melodic voices of male duos
and Iranian piano songs of the past
the Black Keys too
it was website launching
friends meeting
baby coming

I was 24

And I liked mean boys
I liked it when they came and went
swooped in and out
dropping bits of bitter chocolate
the fancy kind
and as they flew back up into the sky
I clung onto to their claws
I was good at that
they let me hang on as they flew
but I always fell eventually
plopped down onto the ground
I liked the funny things they said
sometimes I didn't even know
they were being rude
I liked wrestling
if it meant being hugged at the same time
I liked mean boys
cause
they came and went
and did it with style

Yesterday it was Yellow

Yesterday it was yellow
My girl & me walked in it
While sudden rain kept everyone
Waiting under awnings
Today started out periwinkle
But the wind changed it
To gray
The pale pink t-shirt stretched
Against my chest
I could feel it move up and down in slow motion
Against the clank of the delivery truck
Door opening
the caterers cart stumbled over the red brick sidewalk
While I wondered how I was going to get there
& how I could ignore
Them long enough to meet you

She pressed crtl s and the memo saved. It had been an hour since he moved automatically down the steep incline into the metro stop. An hour since she had been correcting verbs and descriptions. Suddenly a wet globular drop sat on the v and the c on her keyboard. Again she was alone in the bold crisscross of practical rebellion.

I Feel It Again

Thinking Ruins the Moment

Complete

Is when you can laugh when there is no one

And when there is everyone

When you can dance when the music is off

And when it blasts

When you find a problem and solve it

When you find a problem and decide it isn’t a problem

When you are hurt and you call your friend, sister or mentor

When you are anxious and decide to relax and do

Is when you are scared

And slowly overcome your fear

Is when you take your way and your time

Even though everyone else takes another way at a different pace

Is when you can have an opinion different from everyone else

And yet you don’t need to convince anyone of it

Complete is when you don’t mind the habits and behaviors of others

Because you are working on your own

Complete is when you can leave the room to go attend to your needs

And when you stay because you need the company

Complete is being with company and taking care of yourself at the same time

Complete is giving love away

Because you know how to give it to yourself too

Complete is knowing how to ask for what you need

And not being scared to say how you feel

Complete is knowing when to say these things

And forgiving yourself when you forget

Complete is being faced with a difficult decision
and taking time to think through it and then acting decisively
without hesitance and without needing reassurance

Complete is having fun, finding friends and people to have fun with, creating social time, and social events and a social life

Complete is knowing your dreams and taking steps to acheive them

Complete is knowing deep down that everything is very okay

Complete is getting rejected but not feeling rejected

Complete is being accepted but not needing to feel accepted

Complete creating solutions, fun, and laughter

Complete is not being threatened, and only seeing opportunity

Complete is feeling threatened and getting over it

Complete is feeling confident to stand up for yourself

Complete is being able to negotiate the fairest deal

Complete is being able to protect yourself when you are in danger

Complete is facing the people you fear

Complete is trusting that all is just as it should be

Complete is not expecting any one to understand you or do whats best for you all of the time

Complete is being okay with that

Complete is expecting for your loved ones to try to do what is safe and loving for you

Complete is being honest with yourself of your weaknesses and finding ways to get help to fill those

Complete is being in relationships with people that are honest with you

Complete is knowing how to manage finances, wash dishes, manage people, truly relax, and have fun

Complete is having time for nature

Complete is wanting to do something and not doing it because it isn't good for you
Complete is not wanting to do something and doing it because its good for you
Complete is wanting to do something that is good for you
Complete is screwing up and not really sweating it
Complete is not looking at this list again