The Gifts

focus
is a gift
that one receives
when one finds
what is within
and cares for it

success
is a gift
that one receives
when one finds
the magic within
others
and cares for it

confidence
is a gift
that one receives
when one can
stand in the wind
like a tree
blowing back and forth
but having the courage
to find the truth
and stick to it
despite its incongruity
with ones beliefs
or hopes

truth
is a gift
one receives
when one
decides
that being alone
is better
than losing integrity

freedom
is a gift
one receives
when one
believes

Along the journey

I stopped to take a rest
then I awoke around 3 AM
the kitten noticed and came to say hello
in the nightime quiet
i felt lucky to have a piece of time
to hold
to feel warmth around me
care next to me
I will begin my seeking again
get on the journey and keep on moving
but I stopped for that moment
and I enjoyed it

Sometimes I seek a really old wise person to call so he or she can tell me its all okay.

I seek a respite

You have to get vulnerable to get secure.

gratitude

For the body that stands me
Bends me
Feels me
For the blood that pumps while I don’t
For the eye lashes that protect my sight
The lips that let me taste you
The nose that remembers her
The legs that get me there
The arms that let me speak
The fingers that let me be
The mind that pushes me
To live
The heart that guides me well
For the Saturday morning that lets me read
And escape
For the Sunday that lets me write
For the people that believe and try as much
For the people who care as little for money as much
For the people who care about people as much
For the people who do good in their sleep
For those people that I wake up and go to work with every day
For the work that found them
For replacing the feeling every morning that things aren’t right
With the feeling that things are challenging but right
For the feeling every morning
That I am going to exactly where I should be going
For the six months that turned everything around
For the faith
Thank you

Book

A beautiful book doesn't tell us exactly why because in every moment the why changes as we change. A beautiful book allows us to change the why and still love the book.

Faith

Faith is noble confidence. Confidence springs from integrity. Confidence that even if things don't feel exactly right, right now, they are happening for a reason, like everything else that has occurred in life, that you are driving this boat and the water is guiding this boat, and together, you are going somewhere a big part of you wants to go and a big part of nature wants you to go too...so you keep your eye on the steering wheel, so that you learn what you are meant to learn from this weird time, but you stay proud, that you are true to yourself, your integrity is in tact, so this is who you are and that means its right.

Saving the World

One Revised Document at a Time....

A wave rolling over me

The Innocence Mission

Worrying

It was in the New York Times magazine, some people are just more worry prone than others and depending on the environment, they can become less or more. It was me in an article. So the next time I felt calm and confident (like right now) that everything was going to be okay, I wanted to describe it to myself so I can get here again, should I feel worried about something later.
Right now, I feel I could worry about a lot of things. The way I misspoke to my best friend and possibly hurt her feelings, the way my savings is pathetic and I could be screwed if I was fired or laid off, the way I took the day off and my staff is probably scrambling to meet deadlines that I should be helping them with, the way I have no idea what is good or bad or whether the current relationship I am in will last, the way I have gained weight over the summer, the way I probably offended my cousin yesterday, how my sister is and what I should do to take care of her, all of this, sits somewhere in my mind and tends to freak me out.

For awhile I thought I had to just work through each worry and I would be okay, which ultimately meant I had to sit out of life for periods of time. Now I know if it isn’t one worry, it will be something else, that I will always find something to worry about or fear, because there is always something to worry about or fear. So now I am practicing, not avoidance, but letting go. Letting go of everything I can’t control, and even the stuff I can, so at least I can live and be and produce and accomplish.

Its as if I am changing the way I see the world from real problems I need to solve to a game of fake problems my mind creates for me to be distracted by. Its like having schizophrenia and knowing when the other voices are coming and knowing how to ignore them. Some of these concerns are real and important. And if they are, they will come up in due time, and I can deal with them then.