i know now

i know now
what it feels like
to be understood
after a life time of
no understanding
neither from myself
nor from others

i know now
what it feels like to be
held and loved
by an expert
lover
and holder

i know now
what it feels like
to be listened to
for hours and hours
as the restaurant closes
and we move
to the dock
dangling our feet
with someone
who really wants to hear me

i know now
what it feels like
to play and play
with some one
who can meet me on
the top of the dirt hill
and roll down
just as fast

or go to the bottom of
the ocean
blowing bubbles
as we hold hands swimming up
to the sunshine rayed water

i know now
what it feels like
to hold the phone
and call someone
crying
unable to do it
anymore alone

i know now
what it feels like
to help a stranger
shocked by the unfair
evil of the moment
give her refuge
while the world
slowly becomes
safe again

i know now
to hold my momma
when she is weeping
grateful
that at least
i can be careful
with her

i know now
how to tell a friend
when she isn't happy
when she wants to be

i know now
how to win something
i wanted to win

i know now
how to lose something
i wanted to win more

i know now
how to fail successfully
by confronting
previous mistakes

i know now
that nothing makes me
happier
than weather
water
laughing
creating
and love

i know now
that giving
is special
and getting is too
and both should
go together
or i deplete
like a battery

i know now
that age
and image
are useless indicators
for meaning

i know now
what it feels like
when someone really
really
likes you

i know now what it feels like
to come down two mountains in one
day
while someone leads the way
careful
that i go all the way

i know now
that there is always
someone
watching over me
it may just be
that i haven't said hello
to him or her yet

i know now
that there is a lot
a lot
a lot out there

i know now
that everything is already
very alright

i know now what it
felt like
when i jumped
into your arms

i know now
when it ain't me babe
and how to tell you
and when

i know now
what the silence
of a coward
feels like
and i can smell
the stink of avoidance
from a few feet away

i know now
what it feels like
to want to preserve
life

i know now
how to look in your eyes
and tell you
everything is alright
when it isn't
but it has to be

i know now
when words don't
speak actions

&
when actions
feel like love
while the words said
feel
like ice

i know now
what effort
looks like
and how hard it will go