A Doreh In Nashvile (to be edited)

In May 2008 I interviewed 10 first generation Iranian women who reside in Nashville who all participated in a women’s “doreh” between the years 2000-2006. I wanted to learn what the purpose of the doreh was, what it accomplished and why it ended. As a second generation Iranian I have been curious about group behavior and empowerment among Iranians and wanted to use this doreh to understand from the perspective of these women what the strengths and weaknesses were of this particular group.

My mother and aunt were the first organizers of the doreh, their interviews are not included in this paper, though I did talk with them individually. I was more interested in hearing the thoughts and feedback of the other women who were involved. The women I interviewed were between the ages of 35-65. The doreh took place the first Saturday of every month. It was a potluck, where the woman would each bring their own food. The schedule started at 12 PM with eating, then gathering in the group for an outside speaker or a discussion, then dancing. The day ended at 4. A different individual was supposed to hosthome the doreh every month.

The interviews consisted of ten or more open-ended questions which attempted to yield “in-depth responses about people’s experiences, perceptions, opinions, feelings, and knowledge.” In the analysis I followed the constructivist approach of qualitative methodology as taught in Michael Quinn Pattion’s “Qualitative Research Methods.” Emphasis is the not the consistency or quantity of similar responses, but the quality of each response. Using Patton’s guidelines, one interview can be just as, if not more, valuable than many. Direct observation is not part of this research as I was only able to be present during one doreh meeting several years back.

At the outset I must state that the sample is not ideal. I was only able to interview those women who were available for interview and whose contact information was given to me by the organizers. Though the responses differed substantially, with more time a wider and more representative sample could have been interviewed.

I have organized my discussion according to the questions I asked and the major themes that arose from the interviews. I begin with why it started. One woman understood that the purpose was initially to give some company to the elderly women in the community who were unable to attend regular mehmunis or parties. There was a group of 3-4 older women that had been part of the early immigrants to Nashville from Iran after the revolution and in the early 80s. They were part of the original community of Iranians in Nashville, though the doreh soon expanded to include many newcomers.

When others were asked about the purpose of the doreh from the other women, there was general consensus that the purpose was to bring people together, to experience community, and several woman stated that it was to substitute for the lack of community and family relations they have in the US as compared to when they were in Iran, despite the fact that most of them had been in the US for over 15 years. In talking about what drew her to the doreh one woman who had been in the US for over twenty years stated “The social aspect was…something you all that grew up here don't understand...those of us that had big families in Iran and all of sudden we have just one family, my friends turn into my family, I need to have that connection...especially after a period of time of being involved with them.”

Another woman who had been in the US for a similar amount of time, reiterated this by saying “you can’t understand because you grew up here, you don’t miss it, but we do. We don’t have a church or a temple to go to. It was a sense of community.”

One of the ladies who migrated from Iran over forty years ago, commented “we missed our culture, no matter how long you live here you miss it.” This is significant in showing how a connection with Iranian culture and an Iranian community still exists as an essential need of these Diaspora women despite that for many of them their time in the US has exceeded the amount of time they were in Iran.

Catching up on the health of others and their family members was also a consistently repeated response. When asked about the benefit of the doreh one woman stated “getting to know other people. Learning that different people think differently, if somebody was sick we learned during that time. We had a little community and we stay behind each other.” Another woman commented “You learn about people's sicknesses, illnesses right away, it wasn't that two months would pass and I would not know what was going on.” These quotes demonstrate that the health status of them and of their family members was like glue between the women, an essential piece of information that was valuable to them.

The other two factors were pleasure and learning. For the former one woman used the phrases “lehzat bordan, shad budan being happy” and explained “we were all surprised that the time would fly by so fast and suddenly it was four o’clock.” Another person noted that “if a person goes to the doreh and sees everyone is happy then you lose your thoughts about how hard or difficult life is. If I had bad news in the morning and I went to the doreh I would leave very happy. I was charged, like a battery that gets charged.”

One woman discussed the time her daughter was in the hospital “people supported a lot, people came to the hospital, they came to the house, they would spend an hour with me, when someone would spend an hour sitting there with me, talking to me about other things, it took me out of my state of mind, it gave me a release from that. The day of the operation, the whole waiting room was full of Iranians from 7AM-6PM when my daugther was in the operation, the whole time there were people around me, one woman brought cotlet for everyone to eat, it was a huge support, Iranians are really good at this, but the numbers were higher because of the doreh.”

The value of community is stressed in the above quotes as helping to tolerate life toils and providing the women with a time to get out of their current states of mind. Though as she mentions, it is customary for Iranian communities to provide the kind of support especially during health crises, the doreh increased the number of people that were able to support her and perhaps made it more feasible in the American context.

The same woman went on to explain that now that it is finished she has a harder time keeping up with the lives of her friends. Another woman reiterated this point by saying “it was interesting because from many points it was good, it was a visit with many that you couldn't call on the phone, first of all you met and became acquainted with many new people many you couldn't see so regularly and have contact with them not even on the phone if I don't have a time to call I know I will see her Saturday and tell her what I need to say, [this] was good.”

These quotes indicate that practices that are more commonplace in Iran but inconvenient in the context of the US were sustained through the reliable meetings of the doreh. Knowing the health and keeping up with the events in other’s lives was important to these women, but their busy lives prevented the regular maintenance of this information exchange and these relationships. The doreh was a manageable way to preserve some of these expectations and practices.

The discussion of speakers and learning introduced language about being in society and outside of society “tu ejtema budan va berun az ejtema budan.” “Being outside of society” referred to women that didn’t work or the older women that were stuck in their homes. One of the younger stay-at-home moms referred to herself in the same way “somethings you would learn from each other. Since I don't work and I am a housewife and I am not in society, a few lessons and information helped me learn. It was good for me for my age. "man ke kaar nemikonam, tu ejtema nistam ye chiz yaad migiram" It was significant that learning was somehow tied to access to other people’s knowledge, that self-teaching or reading was not an option. But more importantly, the women valued exposure to the outside and wanted to counter the sense of isolation of their domestic lives.

Alternative lives, alternative thinking
When asked about what drew the sample of women to the doreh, many expressed an intrigue with finding Iranian women that did not think in ways that they referred to as typical Iranian thinking. One woman who had married an American and had been removed from Iranian community and Iranians for over twenty years commented that the philosophy of the head organizer drew her to the doreh. “The first person I met was your aunt and I liked her so I kept going. I liked her view on life and the way you should bring up your children in different countries, especially girls. Iranians want to hide everything. I always hated that. I always want to give girls same opportunity as boys, not just educational but social lives too. My mom was a working woman. She raised us to be independent women. But sometimes being too independent it hurts you.”

When asked about whether she ever felt judged in the doreh she replied by explaining her American perspective on this issue: “for me, I don't change myself, I lived with Americans, I am what I am. I don't have to have that Iranian culture to pretend you are somebody else. That culture is pretty much gone after 30 years of being here…” It is apparent she attributes her American life for her ability to be genuine in a group.

Later when she was asked if she learned anything about herself through the doreh she replied “it made me prouder to be Iranian because I had been away from Iranians for a long time. It gave me a sense of longing back to people with my culture. My family is in Europe.” When I asked why she stopped originally, she explained that “there were no Iranians with my perspective available, and they were all old fashioned, and they judge you.”

The doreh provided this woman with another perspective on her own culture or people, that perhaps there are alternative ways of thinking and behaving while still being Iranian or maintaining part of the culture. A younger woman who arrived in the US when she was 22 years old describes how she compromises American and Iranian cultures:

“Myself I am very flexible and easy going but if someone comes to my house I want to offer them the best but if I come to your house, I am ok, we can do whatever, we can sit wherever, we can eat whatever, I am fine with it, and I will never say Mary did this or didn't do that, but for older Iranian women…I didn't see a problem with the younger generation...yea I think there is an [issue of age]. No it can't be personal its age their mentality that came at an older age is different from someone who came when she was 22 years old, part of me was raised there and I got that culture but when I came here I sat and I compromised it this is good this is bad, so yes when I have a mehmuni in my house I provide everything so that she can eat, and I tell her to befarmaa-id bokhori but she thinks until I taarof it for her she doesn't think she can eat, and I think this is a bad thinking, because if I didn't want her to eat I wouldn't have provided it for her but that woman that spent her life in Iran until 45 years old, she cannot accept this, I must go forward and I do it.. But when its just us, this is it, go take care of yourself! For older women its "khahesh mikonam befarmaid khahesh mikonam befarmaid" for my own friends: bokhorid,

When I asked her if the attitude of the younger generation is a result of being in the US she replied: “are digeh midunan digeh harki midunim ke this is it digeh, yes, anyways, we each know that this is it, culturally ba in chizhaash maahaa avaz shodim, we have changed, not a 100% but I myself try to get the good stuff from here and mix it with the good stuff from over there and get something good out of it. SO YOU DID THIS THINKING WHEN YOU FIRST CAME? Not from the beginning no a lot happened in the doreh. When you see some people are easy going and they are living like that, then you wonder so why can’t I be like that? I can do it, there is nothing wrong with it then I will do it too, this sort of learning this is what I am talking about.”

This woman was one of the younger women of the group and it was apparent she had some ability to observe the behavior of others in the group and ask herself why she couldn’t also be relaxed about the cultural norms that no longer fit her life in the US. Later when she talks about her own personal empowerment through some of the relationships she made in the doreh, the issue of being American and Iranian arises again. When I asked her if she learned anything from the doreh she replied:

“100% to stand on my own feet have self esteem vis a vis a man [my husband]. [In the doreh] When they kept saying you can do you can do it you can do it and I think of course I can do it. But I never did the stupid stuff, I didn't go forward [to my husband] to say it’s only me, it’s only the way I think. Its not that my word is only right and I just realized that I can talk I can tell him how I feel and I changed him a lot. Before we couldn't communicate. DID THIS COME FROM SOUSAN MAINLY OR FROM THE WHOLE DOREH? it didn't come from everywhere, Sousan would give the message, and I am a person who grabs it and I know my limitations, when I get the message I know how to follow it in a right way. It depends everything comes back to the person, for instance myself, I knew certain things but I needed encouragement, ‘you can do it nothing is going to happen, you can do it you can do it.’ Saying my feeling. talking about my feeling. Before, I tried to always to do whatever he wants to do, not that he said that it has to be that way but I thought that is how it should be. Not anymore. I tell him if I do or don’t want to do something and explain my reasons.

She went on to explain how it impacted her relationship and the comparisons between an American and Iranian wife came up: “for awhile it got worse, he said "you changed a lot, you came to America you are becoming American, dokhtar-e irani gereftam I had gotten an Iranian girl...I told him when you first saw me it was totally different. My age was younger, I didn't know the ways. Now I know this is the not the way to live life. I know I have to be independent and he always said go out have a business be independent but even so when you go its hard for them. I thought if I stand on my feet and my kids will learn and they will see my mother is this and they are spending time with me not with you.[him] and then after awhile, with fighting or not, he saw its not going to work I am going to say my feelings because if you cant say your feelings there is no point it is to no avail. He saw that I don't say bad things or I don't want bad things, I am not saying anything illogical, I am just saying this is my right I want it and this is your right you have it. Now we are perfect.”

Sousan the original organizer of the doreh had a huge impact on this woman and a couple of others, though others felt her views and messages were intrusive. Whether it was her progressive view on raising daughters or about male female relationships, some of the women experienced substantial changes in their lives based on these ideas. A key component of this was the age of the women and their own willingness to think independently about their lives. As demonstrated in the above quote, her mind was fertile for the information Sousan wanted to impart. Moreover, the woman was having a hard time holding on to her old behavior before her children. She felt a sense of responsibility to convey a sense of independence to her children.

The comparisons between the US and Iran continued throughout the interviews. Another woman explained that she had become a political prisoner in Iran after the death of Khomeini and felt betrayed not only by the government but by her neighbors, colleagues and family members who had claimed that her imprisonment was for embezzlement rather than politics. Her time in Evin caused her to retreat from society and generally view people with a lens of suspicion.

I asked her if she thought about what it meant to be a woman after her experience in Evin: “Yes I always felt that I wish that if I was supposed to be a woman, if only I had been born in another country which would have valued me, unfortunately I was born into a country where being a woman, a smart, independent woman was not good. I was a woman doing the work of many, I had 80 people under me, I was always eftekhar to myself that I was doing all of this, but after Evin I felt small, they came into the bank during lunch and showed my sentence, and at that moment I felt that I wished that my mother would not have given birth to me as a woman. I did want my life to be the way it was. After I came out of prison I had no desire for anything. My personality changed. My biggest wish is to see the regime leave. My dream is to bring out my folder from Evin and find out what my guilt is. Just because I do not agree with the government. From that moment that the 4 guards came to get me I wanted never to be a woman. HAS IT CHANGED AT ALL SINCE YOU CAME TO THE US: what I thought in Evin is that the first thing I want to do is get a visa and come to the US or then turkey. Some of the jealous men were really happy that I was out. And family members said that I had stolen money and thats why i was in jail. they said i lied that it was political. my family said I lied about the reason for being jail. WHY? jealousy, envy. we had a good life. we would take vacations, we had a good life. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE US? My sister was here. I liked it better than europe. WHAT IS YOUR FEELING ABOUT IRAN: i don't like it. when i visit iran i don't like it i don't feel anything for the county. when the singers talk about going to iran and kissing the ground, to me its a joke, i feel nothing for that country. i like it here, its a free country. if you don't do drugs, or do bad things, even if you talk bad about bush you are free. You are free here, i really like it here. No one bothers you about how you dress or put on make up.”

About why she went to the doreh she says “we had fun. After Evin I didn't like people. I didn’t trust people because of the things people said after I got out. First thing I see when I meet people is that they are lying to me I have a bad perspective. But [a friend I met in the doreh] is silly and light and I don’t have to talk to people seriously.”

In describing the difference in opinions among the women in the doreh she explains:
“in America they have a lot of independence than in Iran and that is because the society allows it…In Iran they stay however they are because there is no opportunity to grow they don't allow you to they don't give you the way you can't even speak out your beliefs I say that I can't believe in god because can't understand the Koran because its in Arabic its not in Farsi and some conservative Iranian women in the doreh would not understand that.”

The doreh opened this woman up a bit more to her own people; she was able to make friendships and connections that previously she had closed herself from. In this way the doreh seemed to appeal to a group of women that perhaps had given up on Iranians as potential friends or people that they could relate to. This group had considered Iranian thinking as traditional and limiting, especially towards women. But in the doreh, meeting a small group of women that didn’t behave or think in ways that they expected had an impact on their perspectives.

jHowever, within the group of 30 people there were a small number that transcended these traditional roles or stereotypes, one of the women said that “majority of the women were not independent, the husband make the decisions. There was a big split.”

Another woman talks about her inability to relate to some of the women in the doreh: “Maybe in a group of 50 there are a few people that you can't really mix with. For instance a woman is dressed well, is chic, but you can't relate to her and when you try to talk to her, there was nothing there. All she knows is that there is doctor somewhere and how much things cost. You figure out who you can talk to and who you can't. You should have something to offer me. There were people that were there to learn.”

A younger member of the doreh, previously mentioned, revealed an important personal growth “I realized through the doreh, that I am not bothering someone when I go to someone who is sick, I learned that you should always go whether they say they need you or not. I learned to bring myself closer to people. Before I would never call because I didn't want to be rude or a bother, now I just do it because I realized how much I benefited from it. I don't need to sit back and wait for others, why shouldn't I go forward, why do I have to always wait for others. I learned this through my daughter situation, in the doreh I learned, that a person that doesn't know me still sent my daughter gifts when she was sick. Before I wouldn't go forward, I thought, that in iran, your self confidence is low, they tell you ‘don't do anything, sit, don't talk,’ I thought I should always be quiet, have no voice, now I have been here for 22 years and I have learned a lot. That person that goes forward is happy.”

This woman also reflected on what she learned from the other progressive members of the doreh: “we would learn things, we would ask those that are older about how we should raise our daughters, they would tell us to talk to our daughters, they told her daughter that she looked like a guerilla, one time they told her she had a unibrow, the elders would say just pluck, let the kids be comfortable, american kids are rude, they hurt their kids, I realized that in Iran yea we had to follow these rules, but not here, we are in America it doesn't matter, I learned that you shouldn't scare your daughter when she starts to talk about the boy, I learned a lot about being with my kids, I learned… I was never friends with my mom, but I learned to be friends with my daughter in the doreh, I would talk to my dokhtar amoo, but with my mom I felt there was a wall. I decided that I need to be closer to my daughter.”

This woman was also open to hearing the advice and opinions of the other women in the group. She faced a situation where her upbringing and the norms within which she was raised were no longer viable or relevant in the new circumstance in the US. Talking with the other doreh members she realized this and was able to think about how and what values and norms she wanted to use in her new situation.

It is significant to note however that in each of these instances the growth and learning was not a result of open group discussions but one-on-one conversations with friends from the doreh. In essence the doreh provided a forum for these women to meet and find each other on a regular basis to have these conversations, to develop this trust, to develop the relationships on their own outside of the four hours every first Saturday of the month.

Within the large number of doreh members, a small group definitely felt a change in their personal lives as a result of the interaction with the other women in the doreh, whether it be the head organizer or other women in the doreh. The more independent women seemed to gravitate towards each other and learn from each other. Independent from the experiences of these few, the sense of community attracted all of the women, no matter how traditional or progressive their state of mind.

The end
As to why the doreh came to an end, major themes emerged from the responses such as internal rifts between the leadership, lack of responsibility in the members, a need for more formal processes and obligations, and differing opinions on the purpose of the doreh.

The leaders didn’t seem to have methods to resolve conflicts among themselves before addressing the group. As one woman explained “when the three leaders came in the group, the leadership had differing views, like one member would be in opposition to what another leader was saying. If there were some differences between them, they should have written them down and dealt with them before the meeting. So when they came into the group, they wouldn’t sit there and argue then…. There was no respect for the speaking of each other. For instance if they had conflict they wouldn’t wait to talk about it after the meeting they would deal with it right there. A few times I told them to have their talks before the meeting so that you deal with your conflicts behind the curtain. With my American bosses they have a meeting among themselves and they write everything down and then they come to the full meeting [with the staff] and we read the list top to bottom and there in that meeting there isn’t debate or conflict with the leadership. I thought maybe it is because the [doreh] leadership does not have much exposure to outside, but I am not sure because they all work.…” Another woman commented: “the leaders didn't know how to move forward, where to go, there was a lack of experience of the leaders to drive it.”

The doreh also lacked a clear purpose due to the diverging interests of the leadership. Some of the leadership wanted to emphasize the personal growth of the women, other leaders wanted to emphasize a humanitarian or general learning purpose. When one of the leaders was asked about the next iteration she stated: “no lunch, no dancing, just a meeting, only educational, only for doing positive activities, like a community group, [to] help people in need. In an earlier comment she stated “we aren’t therapist” to solve other people’s problems.

She reveals that in actuality what she wanted was in contrast not only to what the other leaders wanted, but to what the majority of the doreh members wanted, which was pleasure and community in addition to and complementary to the learning. As one woman put it: “People's expectation was wrong. Some people maybe just wanted it to be somewhere to go once a month and have fun. Some people wanted different things from it. Some women said I want to just party. Some women said I want to get something out of it. It couldn't go anywhere.” These differing opinions of the leadership and the members on the purpose of the doreh added to the disfunctionality of the group.

Although the leadership wanted the group members to learn, many of the members had their own reasons for coming to the doreh, the two major ones being entertainment and community though the emphasis on these two varied from person to person. This variation caused tension.

One woman mentioned: “maybe in LA it is easier to find more people that think like you because there are more people but there are less people here and we did not have much in common.” Another woman mentioned “Iranian people are so different. There are professionals, housewives, people that just came from Iran, such a big difference between these people. It’s hard to make them feel the same way. Lots of subgroups.” There were so many conflicting and complementary interests, the membership needed to be brought together in some agreement.

Despite the leadership’s inability to gain agreement on a purpose, they did expend a great amount of effort to maintain the doreh. The membership was not particularly helpful in appreciating the effort involved nor they did contribute. The leadership and several of the other women interviewed complained about the inability to get constructive opinions and support from the women. As mentioned before, some of the women were overtly contrarian, and even critical. “One leader commented: people were getting hurt, they didn’t appreciate what we were doing; they didn’t support us.”

Another woman reiterated the same lack of will to contribute: “Nobody wanted to contribute. People didn’t like the numbers going up. People wanted it to be exclusive. People didn’t like to open her home to them. It amazed me that your aunt and mother opened their house to so many people. Then you saw that nobody wanted it at their house, no one wanted to let people in their house. Then clubhouse had costs, nobody wanted to pay for the clubhouse.”

Another leader stated “I don't know why Iranians cannot continue working together, the kanun, anjoman, the doreh all of them end, the radio program fell apart, there is no source for news anymore, nothing to teach young people about our culture. Too many expectations, and they don't do anything to contribute.” There was a constant response that the women were not ready to support or contribute to the doreh. Beyond bringing their own food, many of the women weren’t interested in providing resources or effort. The numbers had gone up in the doreh, but the number of people willing to host or take on responsibility didn’t increase in proportion. A minor issue of who would host the doreh each month turned into a major one and one that many of the women interviewed brought up as a key problem.

These quotes reveal a 1) lack of democratic or consensus building methods, 2) an 3) inability to voice opinions in a constructive manner, 4) listening to others and 5) a lack of processes to move ideas to action. In addition, the members had difficulties with authority. There seemed to be one of four choices in how to view the leadership. The following four categories represent the different perspectives and opinions of the women.

1- “The leaders have to give the women their roles after intense lobbying efforts.” There was an expectation for the leadership to establish the structure and the successors.
As one woman commented “I told one of the leaders we need new people, new ideas, we need fresh ideas, let someone else get involved, let others be part of this. And the last jalese some people said why are the same old people still in charge, and I told her a year before, let’s have a changing of the guard. Why did they not bring new people in: the truth? The people in charge didn't want to let others get involved. Iranians want to be re-is or they don't come. If you don't want us to be the leader then we won't come. Then the leaders among themselves had disagreements. if [the key leader] is not there the doreh is not complete, the things she does others won't do, she does the printing, everything, she is very responsible. But people wanted it to change. The leadership was running out of ideas, other people were trying to get involved to see if they could do anything. It also became a bit of a fashion show. Are we going to mix rich and poor, or just keep rich. If we are going to mix, then we need to mix.

2- The second perspective was “I wasn’t the leader so I couldn’t do anything,” “the leadership did things without us even being part of the process. WHAT IF YOU BROUGHT UP IDEAS? They wouldn't have listened...”

3- “Accept their leadership and get over it” One woman interviewed explained that people complained that the leadership was not inclusive or democratic. In response to these complaints she responds “You cannot just think of yourself, must flow with the water. Some said [that one of the leaders] is too debative... But obviously if 3-4 people are planning then of course they are going to be the leadership.” Another example of this sort of response: “your aunt wanted to educate women, but every time she talked people giggled. It got worse. People said she wants to be a boss, we don't want a boss. Iranian people they are all chiefs there are not many Indians. My daughter’s wedding, I had planned everything, to the minute, and soon everybody wants to change the plan to something else. They don't want the responsibility they just want to talk about it. Everybody wanted to be leader but nobody put foot forward to do it and they didn't want to accept other's leadership. I am used to leadership. Just b/c somebody takes charge of one place. George Bush doesn't have a high school diploma but a bunch of people say yes sir because his position means they have to follow him. We are going to be more successful if we all follow one leader. Just because we don't accept somebody is higher than this, she is not much higher than me, why should I do this or that. They would have done it to anybody.”

4- “I am not willing to do anything so I can’t really have a say”
“All the responsibility was stuck on one side and no one would come forward to make things happen I myself couldn't bc I had young kids and any time they needed something I could like if they needed me to host it i would do it anything i could do help i would do in fact the day i was supposed to throw the doreh the night before we had gone to the emergency room, yasmin's legs had gone numb and we had arrived from the ER at 6 AM, everyone said lets cancel i said no, wheni say i am going to do something, i do it, everything was ready and i am in the house, i am tired and upset but my kid is asleep so far its ok and i will provide this and i did i couldn't offer any other responsibility this was my situation but i could buy and host”

Another woman reiterated “it was the same thing over and over again, it needed change. But I couldn’t blame anyone because I would not do myself.” Clearly these two women understood the limits of the leadership but also their own inability to be part of the solution.

As previous examples show, some of the women found it helpful to compare the doreh to their experiences in American organizations or places of employment. One woman had a good comparison with a women’s community group “I am in a neighborhood women’s group. There are conditions for membership. Everybody brings their food. Right now we know the whole program for the next year. It is more convenient to plan. The plan is precise. You come 11-3. I can't say that the Americans are smarter. No, I just think they are more organized. if they 3-4 people go into a group, they change the table. at the time of lunch i sit one place and then they change our places for coffee time. Every Christmas we buy a 20 gift. i have never seen anyone say "i forgot." the issue is not the money. everything moves forward. the plan is there, its in a party room. the difference b/t the doreh and the american group its clear the difference is that there is a plan. and people are really warm and inclusive. and they talk more about problems kids, their boyfriends, no gele gozaar. its very simple, not too fancy, very normal. i was sad when the doreh ended, and i asked and the leaders said they can't do it all on their own.”

The above is an example of some of the strong ideas from the group but the leadership could not harness these ideas, or could not handle the responsibility on their own to execute these ideas. The demands had exceeded the capacity of the leadership.

One of the leaders stated that “they didn't like rules, we couldn’t put any rules in place. They would think we are boss. We didn't try but I know my culture.”

Conclusion

The doreh was clearly successful in providing these women a time outside of their regular lives to experience an Iranian community which brought them a real sense of joy. Though each woman gained something unique from the experience, the laughter and time together was consistently the most compelling reason for going. Parallel to the pleasure of the doreh, there were diverging interests and goals both among the leadership and the membership. The sense of informality, though convenient for those that preferred not to commit, also held back the group and eventually led to its end.

The interviews revealed a real sense of isolation from Iranian culture and community. Simultaneously, issues of trust were prevalent. The interviews revealed serious challenges with speaking openly and respectfully in a group, an inability to listen to each other and resolve conflict, a lack of desire to assume responsibility and a preference for anarchist behavior towards the leadership. There were apparent confidence issues on the side of the members to approach others, to reach out to others and to open up to others.

Another issue was the sub-groups and clicks that formed. Some of this was a result of the sheer numbers of women and the varying interests and affinities among them. It was mentioned during several interviews that the philosophies and world views of the members differed greatly, which became a hindrance on how close the women could become. Though these differences could be a hindrance, co-existence and acceptance behavior could counter some of these biases. Some of the sub-grouping could have been prevented by activities or processes that forced the group to mix.

There was resentment over the fact that many of the ideas that were proposed by some of the members were not taken seriously or followed through. Most of the ideas were proposed as individual lobby efforts at the leadership rather than in an open group.

When thinking about what to change about the doreh, the women interviewed had plenty of constructive advice on how the doreh should be implemented if started all over again. Among the key recommendations were:
Less frequent meetings,
Required responsibilities of the members, such as a full commitment for all members to host at least once or twice a year.
An established membership fee.
More leadership roles for the members, sub-committees.
Defined processes and rules for group discussions.
Clear purpose. It is suggested that entertainment remain the key focus, with two other sub-goals such as raising funds for humanitarian projects and learning with speakers or classes provided every other doreh meeting.
Clear processes for decision making among the leadership
Yearly rotation of leadership
Strong emphasis on the pleasure and enjoyment factor of the doreh.
Raising funds among the members to attend leadership, teambuilding, and empowerment workshops in Persian if possible and other learning opportunities outside of doreh.
Decrease the numbers; allow only those that can commit to the official membership.

No doubt the women will have a difficult time transitioning into these formal institutions but it will prevent leadership’s exhaustion and membership’s frustration so that the doreh can continue to provide everyone with the meaningful benefits that the members all reported. “yek khordeh satisfy irania moshgeleh”

A remarkable feat of the doreh was the lasting impact it had on the quality of people’s lives. Many of the women have friends and support today that they didn’t have before the doreh. Many of the most stubborn learners expressed a change in opinion or attitude that resulted from the doreh, mainly about how they viewed other women, or how they were viewed by other women or as one woman stated “it made me prouder to be Iranian because I had been away from Iranians for a long time. It gave me a sense of longing back to people with my culture. [My] family is in Europe. Why did you originally stop? “There were no Iranians with my perspective available, and they were all old fashioned, and they judge you.”

i never have to know

i don't know
and i never have to know
the end

lets just go
and be
and go

constantly moved
constantly surprised
in constant exhilaration
wonder
and still
among the unknowns

lets have the courage
so that we may experience life

perpetrator

It was a crisp
crunchy
cloudless day
the sky was surreal
and far away

a murkiness
filled the air
the heavens became opaque
and then dark
it was a matter of moments
though it felt
pending all day
the rain moved
in
my gut told me
that i knew where to go
that i knew the way
but mind protested
that we were lost
and needed to seek
to alert
to send a message
so i screamed
in the darkness
and descending fog
leading the perpetrator
to my location
suddenly
i was stripped of all my
valuables, emptied
of all my goods

betrayed, only then
did my gut feel lost

Wake up Leila

Wake up!
Little one
22 years later
I still wait for you
To wake up
Maybe now
I don’t lay in the same bed with you
And I don’t play with your eye lids
Like I used to
My subtle attempt
To get my play mate to wake up
To start the morning adventure
It couldn’t happen without you
Wake up! My elderly
Younger sister
You are my preferred company
I know I will have to wait another hour
Until I see your puffy face
And curly hair
Your little shoulders
I can wait

Mr Universe

Running for US president is now a world wide contest. Germans and Europeans commenting on Obama- I like it.

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/07/25/europe/EU-Europe-Obama.php

Plateau

And so it was. We woke and we walked in shockingly pleasant cool breezes in the mid of the month of July. We were coming and going, alone and with company, in a constant search. Each treasure gained in my scavengering led to more seeking. Hot black tea cooled and cookies were the highlight of 10 AM. An acute light from the sun cut through the table while allergies blurred the vision and prolonged last night's sleep. The soundtrack was air conditioners and tiny little birds bouncing off each other, a noise that would be unattractive on its own but fine as an ensemble. I was reminded that often, there was nothing more than this, so I reclined in my chair. I was getting ready to contemplate making the daily impossible happen. Feeling had been distant for a few days. Those conversations that had once inspired had become lackluster, though more candid. We were sitting on a plateau. Ready to go spelunking.

The Big Iranian Mistake

I think we have another historical event on our hands, another lost opportunity between the US and Iran...the Iranians foiled the talks this weekend. When talking with friends its unclear why they didn't use all of their skillful and snazzy diplomats for this affair. The only conclusion is internal survival politics.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/22/world/22iran.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=iran&st=cse&oref=slogin

Art as Civic Activism?

http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/world/lifestyle-russia-art.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

What Iranians Think

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/talking_point/7513992.stm

to know more

I resist knowing
Hide from knowing
And then I stop
And immerse
And learn
It is our curiosity
The fuels us
Our ambition
That pushes us
Our respect
That protects us

evolution

The long fingers of the plant
Were in spasm against the wind
From the fan
The temperature outside
Was above comfortable
And below death
Summer was maturing
It was quiet
Friends woke
Slept
Started and ended meals
In different time zones
Hearts stayed close
As distances increased

Crises happened
but jokes released pressure
Little risks of the heart
Were taken
As large wars were fought
Worlds evolved as
Towns stayed the same
It was all ahead of us
we only tried
to sense it
as it happened
though we often failed

internet tubes

I like that at 9 AM
Almost everyone I love
Is sitting in cyberspace
Everyone I love is close by
Next to a key board
Either closing down
or starting up
We are all perhaps reading the same news
Distracted by the same big and small decisions
Preoccupied but also curious about what else
Is out there
In the future

this is the week of appreciation

The week to think about little things said, little smells smelled, little sounds heard, little steps made, little smiles opened, little bits of laughter, little images of warmth, little realizations, little breezes, little gestures, little events that mean very big things.

Every step taken with awareness or at least reflection is right.

Too Complex for Science

There is something very encouraging about the fact that gene study has yet to explain a lot of human behavior. The reason it is encouraging is because it means we humans have a duty to understand ourselves and the world using our common sense. We can't just leave it up to the experts.

It just seems like some things may be too complex for science. One of those things is economic development. Which is why the World Bank can't really get it straight. Economics in general is more of an art than a science, despite the emphasis on mathematics in the curriculum. Apparently, Greenspan attests to this in his book when he talks about looking at the data and taking a guess at what was going on in the economy.

To me an expert is someone who knows how to observe and think not someone who has information.

For the Light

Thank you morning
For the light
That followed me
From my bedroom
To my living room
To the kitchen
For the silence
That walked with me
And sat with me
As I made my first
Steps
My first gestures
My first
Reach
For the day
Thank you morning
For being gentle
And giving me
Time
And quiet
To learn how to walk
Again
To have a glass of water
To go slow
Waking up
Again
My eyes still sedated
my skin
soft
from the bed
my pace
unhurried
and delicate

I reach out from the inside.

-Peter Gabriel

I feel I might cry

I feel I might cry. For all that is and all that isn't.
For all I know and more for what I don't.
For all I think I want and all that I don't know I need.

So it became right

And so it became right
We sat at the edge
Of the mother ocean

We stared at the stars
That fed us light
And so it became right

Perhaps there was imbalance
In the world
By us, it became right

We allowed ourselves
To the edge

For the first time
We flourished
dared
the vulnerable

Drinking from the water of the gods
Straddling the fulcrum
Of the universe

We saw rainbows
And waterfalls
And reflecting lights
Like a thousand diamonds

We could only smile
while we cried

We reached ecstasy
Over and over again

Our internal temple
chanting
Loud
And the movement of our souls
Shook the neighbors

We flew
laughed
never knowing
what may follow

We traversed distances
and left them behind
our power immense

two women making choices

The sun came over her head. She sat there by the glass door next to me, legs long and back relaxed, one of several positions she took in that little soft white chair during our lazy and kind conversation. We walked here after breakfast, walked around the city until it deposited us here, in her apartment. Our conversation ebbed between the past and the present, all the years that constructed us into the people that sat next to each other on this Saturday afternoon.

Analogies of life through moments of films, books and stories were shared. Honest confessions of when things were not so good, when we each had not quite become who we needed to be, when waking up in the morning was not the something we could safely do with joy. We opened more, all of the moments in the past when we were lost, looking for those who could maybe perhaps understand us, love us, for who we were. Instead, finding those that couldn’t even begin and suffering in isolation, begging them to anyways.

Now we did, not fully, not completely, but our friendship was rounder, complex than any before, the doors to our hearts swung freely between discussions of career challenges and favorite poetry. We could be as emotional, as linear, as free as we needed to be, because we had each in our own right come this way and found each other on the path.

We planned the hanging of her artwork on her walls. We listened to the same songs of our different youths, relishing the moments of freedom of this Saturday afternoon. It was new, like a new love, tender and unknown, guarded and opening, respectful and questioning. I got up to leave, and walked to the sink to finish filling up her Brita. We said goodbye.

Feel for the Turks

I feel for the Turks. They have spent the last eighty five years trying to keep their religious-traditional aspects at bay in order to maintain a secular and reason-based government. Yet the very Europe that they have modeled themselves after isn’t including them in its most exclusive club. To top it all off, they are having a constitutional turmoil over banning the current party in power. The EU opposes the ban though it may be that this sort of autocratic control over the often naughty baby democracy is essential to their secularism.

Turkey has been members of NATO, the Council of Europe and the OECD for decades. And they have been ready to join the EU since the 80s. Despite this track record, the EU chooses to welcome other states that, unlike Turkey, have spent the majority of the last 50 years isolated from Europe. For the Turks, it must feel a bit like being lined up for a promotion and watching someone else get it because she goes to the same church with the boss.

The EU is trying to help Turkey by giving it clear instructions on the various areas it must improve before accession. Some of it, especially the review on gender equality is quite helpful and necessary. But this is all old news because Turkey first put its petition for the becoming part of the EU in 1987 and finally got accepted as a candidate in 1999 and is now in negotiations as of 2005. The process is a bit excruciating. Turkey seems like it has lost its old friends in Europe and doesn’t quite fit in with the Middle East, so it’s hanging out there on its own.

This question of regional affinity is a question of the politics of religion, which, in the meanwhile, is becoming more of an issue domestically. Ten years ago it wasn’t quite like how it is today; the religious side of the country was less visible and less popular.The rise of this new religious persona in the public sphere is in some ways positive, some ways maybe not. It has created opportunities to democratize the more religious elements by bringing them to the forefront. But it has estranged the country from the secularist image that many held sacred for so long. To complicate matters, the ruling religious party (AKP) actually supports and is supported by the EU. So while the religious leanings seem to be a cultural turn-off, the AKP is a turn-on because it has done the most to aggressively pursue the accession.

The growing visibility of the political aspirations of the predominant religion in the country is like a new mole, is it sexy or ugly?

The AKP comes from a line of religious parties that were banned because they weren’t concerned with the interests of their secular friends and other political promises. The AKP was pragmatic; it built a coalition based on the notion that it will not cross the sacred line of secularism and, contrary to its forefathers, it has actively pursued EU accession.
But five years into Erdogan’s time as prime minister and a year into the presidency of Abdullah Gul, there is a question about whether they have started to cross the line. The news about whether the AKP is constitutional is the latest challenge for this budding democracy.

The Turkish constitution insists on secularism in its text. A Supreme Court prosecutor has asserted that the AKP is unconstitutional because it is sneaking sharia into some corners somewhere. But banning a party that was voted into power democratically seems like a very undemocratic thing to do, and the EU wants democracies only. For now the question is still undecided and on the table. As my Turkish friend says “watch us.”

Learning from Turkey for Iran?

And I will because Turkey helps me think about Iran. Turkish scholars distinguish Turkey from the rest of the Middle East for many valid reasons. Turkey’s unified presence of state has controlled for longer than in most Middle East States. They also point to the fact that it is a tax based government, rather than a rentier state. These aspects distinguish it from Iran or Saudi Arabia.

More importantly, Turkey is a democracy while Iran is a theocracy. The Turks have government accountability and secular institutions infused into their skin, something I can’t say for the Iranians. Ataturk, the father of the modern Turkish state was much more effective in incorporating European culture more diffusely into Turkey than his contemporary, the Shah of Iran.

But there are similarities. A population in Turkey reminds me of many elites in Iran before the revolution. These are the people that are secular in public spaces and hold onto the culture of Islam in private spheres. Though I have noticed, comparatively, the secular Turks know much more about Islam than the secular Iranians before the revolution. It’s the difference between secular religion and political religion.

Turkey is full of people that support this type of religion. There is also a population that holds onto a different type of Islam, a political Islam. An Islam that is supposed to inform political and public decisions, if not decide them. And there are all of those people in the middle susceptible to both sides.Erdogan represents a little bit of both but his statement about having the ulema decide about the headscarf indicates his shallow internalization of secular principles and institutions.

This reminds me of democracy advocates in Iran who also have a very superficial understanding of democracy…who espouse elections, but are still on the fence about the role of religion. There is a failure, not in the acceptance, but in the understanding and valuation of the importance of the separation of church and state and other liberal institutions.

Internalization of Democracy

The issue of internalization is important. It reminds me of what one of my Iranian friends explained to me about modernization. She said “you can move a rural farmer to a city, and he will change his clothes and his job, but not his ways or his mind. Only education and experience will do that.”

My litmus test of the internalization of democratic norms is both on a micro level and on the macro level of a society. What I look at on the micro-level is the way families communicate, the teaching of children in classrooms, the way supervisors treat their employees and what are accepted as good practice in these areas.

Individualism is an important ingredient of all of this. Do people value individual opinions and voices? Both Turkey and Iran are very communal societies where concerns for family and community can dominate over the best interests of the individual.

Because of its drive towards the West, the Turks have, in general, more practice being fair and equal in their places of employment, in their education and in their families. Because of its drive away from the West, the Iranian government has shunned “democratic” practices in the public sphere. However, Iranians themselves are incorporating less traditional behaviors into their lives, specifically the younger, more globally curious, generations.

On a macro level, the fact that the representatives of the religious, Erdogan et al, are in the democratic process, reveals an opportunity for internalization of democratic and secular principles that democrats in Iran never have a chance to experience. Instead, they are theorizing and trying to understand democracy in the abstract, without knowing what it feels or looks like in action.

The best way to democratize someone is to put them in a club or community organization and have them witness and experience the rules, the institutions, the modus operandi of working within teams, sharing power, and staying focused on the task or project at hand. Iranian activists that have come to the US express their amazement when they have had to actively engage with these practices.

Checks

The question Turkey leaves me with: are constitutional articles necessary to protect against the illiberal politics dominating over a budding democracy, especially as Islam is growing ever more politicized? Some scholars suggest that if there are no checks, the communal society of Turkey will dominate new liberal institutions resulting in something far from a liberal democracy. For Turkey, the check could be the EU. If Iran were to go democratic today, I am not sure what could keep its democratic institutions safe…

I was Hit

I was hit
Over and over again
Hit hard
Painfully hit
Down far
Into the ground
After I got up
I learned how to run
Fast
So that the blows
Could not be long
Or hard
So that when the hits came
I was moving
Rapidly
To decrease their impact
And I took them
One by one
Jabs into my side
Heart
Head
Legs
Jabs
I ran so fast
For 15 years


And then
I found a
Forest of kind
Words
And soft sounds
I slowed down
To a jog
Still suspicious
Still expecting a blow
That I couldn’t feel
For all my speed

Time passed
The words just continued
And the songs became sweeter
I stopped moving
stood still
I fell to the ground
Reeling in pain
Feeling the jabs all at once
Amongst the gentle sounds
Of birds and brooks
And soft leaves
I wailed in pain
In sadness
I screamed
from a cave
inside my lungs
stomach
and chest
And it echoed throughout the
Woods

if I could go with this

And if I could go with this
Climb its heights
Fall in its canyons
If I could feel this
As it is
I could live
So fully
In awe
Of the depth
Of souls

Challenge of Choice

This is me
On a cool rock
Of limestone
Laying naked
Holding
This moment
in me
Putting it
inside me
This challenge
Of my new heart
This challenge
Of choice

If This is It

If it’s this song
And this feeling
If this is
What it is
And all of this emotion
is who I am
And I am here
as the audience
Of this all of me
If this is it
To be
To exist
Then allow me to exist
Into eternity

Ceiling under the Sky

the sky
was an opaque blanket
a cotton sheet

and the sun,
a blue yellow light
blocked by the sheet

the sky was close by
close enough to touch

outside was like inside
a ceiling a few meters above the rooftops
like a tent of blankets
covering the earth

a pink light came from the northwest
along with an undecided
downpour of rain

brief, passionate and noncommittal
it came and went

the ceiling opened
the sky was replaced

Read your book

Last night

We opened

Like a book

That was hidden between two others

In a big library

With a bunch of computers

that ignore the books in the stacks

We

read some pages

From our books to each other

We listened

Tried to understand

Digest the words

And then we closed the books

Until another day

When we want to read more

I liked opening the books with you

our thing

to me,
our thing

is an
everyday
life
thing

a
trust
thing

a
gentle,
smiling
thing

an
uncontrived
gravitational
pull
to
the
center

I exist as I am, that is enough

- Walt Whitman

Family Symphony

The hum and peak of family song came from the porch as the opening and closing of drawers played while my aunt and mom disapproved behavior in the kitchen. Father and uncle disgruntled at the rulers of the homeland, the rulers of the now-land, the price of currency and the unavailability of oil, their pricey drive to work. As the conversation wanes to a silence and the boisterous television dominates the conversation, father rises. His footsteps make a familiar pattern towards his daughter’s door. He sits on the bed next to me, comforted that I am there where he hoped I would be. We didn't see each other the night before when I arrived. This morning before leaving for work he stuck his head in the door of my room, and seeing the same profile, unchanged over the last 20 years, he went on.

Sisters and cousins make bubbly chatter the dining room. Blueberry pie and Persian tea organize everyone back into a common room. The buzz of words continue, voices make a symphony as they disperse into new conservations into the different rooms of the door-less house, constructed in the mind of father 30 years before in Iran. It was a design that enhanced the orchestra of family sounds, that refused quiet quarters or closed in spaces. Private conversations were impossible, the house was communal, communal in an iranian way, where family is only defined as extended-cousins, uncles and aunts see more than friends.

The watermelon comes to the table, the conversations wander back to the long center table in the oversized kitchen, an eating silence transpired, followed by a new song of conversation. Then, in unison a female voice, a deep male voice and a mini-side conversation commence all together. They call my name. I leave my room, it is instinctual, the time alone can last only so long. The call of family, of warm company, regardless of personality, lures us. From childhood, each of us was nurtured with a heavy dose of social time; each of us was given a slight addiction to the loud sounds and smells of family.

New stories begin, a new refrain is started. Once the foods are eaten and the aggregate gossip finished, another dispersion, not a farewell but a mere dispersion, occurs onto the couch, outside, or into the annals of the kitchen. The rectangle house mixed the far noises in the kitchen with the close noises in the den. A computer opens on a cousin's lap, as an uncle and brother fit themselves on a couch. The oversized television makes noise of advertisements; its exaggerated statements are monotone in the background. The voices come to another crescendo. An elated voice breaks the rhythm with her excited rendition of a prior event to a cousin in the corner of the kitchen next to the contraption for having hot tea ready 24 hours a day.

Multiple conversational melodies, essential to the calm and peace of the family, continue. One cousin enters with a loud rendition of an Iranian pop song "esgh-e man" and finishing there because he knows no more of the song. No sound is unusual, a burst of singing is as tolerated as the monotonous television, any type of expression goes. American volley ball comes on the TV screen, the uncle starts to comment, fruit is brought to the table in front of the couch.The lunch at 1PM has become lounging at 4PM, the music will continue until 5, and they will depart. The farewell is its own song, with fits and starts, each sound has its own moment, its own beat, plans for the evening are made, hugs and kisses exchanged, the afternoon symphony ends.

savage

summer evening winds into
grasshoppers
and lightening bugs
of night
a cool breeze
and the last bright light
of sunset
confuse the eyes
green is a blanket on the skin
foretelling a twilight
that is
potent
and savage

Out of Harm's Way

He came over her
In a split second
From calm to tsunami
Like a 50 ft wave
Hovering above her
She stopped being human
became an ant
paralyzed before
his monstrous power
she wanted to diffuse his force
but did not know how
she was gone
already dead
as the wave overtook her

she awoke in the water
the crystal blue
reflected sunlight
into her eyes
white light surrounded her
the water gave sensation to her body

she laid her head back
in the water
and felt the sun
on her face
she cared not where she was
time had left with the wave
her life was but a mere thing
having lost it and gained it so
she preferred to immerse
herself in the water and sun
unconcerned of her whereabouts

she woke on an island
an 850 sq ft island
she stayed for years
when they found her
and took her to the city
she walked down escalators
and rode elevators
still on her island
with hundreds of miles of water
between her
and the rest of the world

then one day
she walked off her island
and swam away from
it
on to the concrete sidewalk
of the city
on to the bench of the park
people sat next to her
people said hello
people called out to her
people were everywhere
and she listened
and walked with them
and she left life pull her
in a wagon
that she laid inside of
on her back
staring at the big full clouds
and the light blue sky
she was where she always
wanted to be
staring at the sunny day clouds
her body released