I've been here before

Two years ago
and two year before
that
the moment
before
the days before
I have chosen reliable
over fun
Chosen fun
over reliable again
back and forth in
swinging steady
like wind that reacts to one
wall
and then hits the other
back and forth
the Spring comes late this year
the Sun dares
to glare
we wear colors
reminiscent
of its finer days
beckoning it to hear
our inner cries
for vitamin d
I have been here before
in between
the moment before a choice
the very thrilling
stillness
before an option
knowing its coming
I prepare
it won't be a teeter
totter this time
neither either or
this time it will be
that doesn't wobble
standing strong on
my stake in the ground

the smell of green
and the feel of dirt
under my feet
I stop and go
in order not to sink