It was a much more profound story than the one she wrote. But that story, the deeper one, it was too difficult to write, there were too many feelings to frame, and so there weren't any conclusions nothing concrete, a bunch of sentiments.

Making Mistakes Again & Again

there was once a little cute computer robot
it was programmed by its crazy alcoholic creator
to emit carbon into the air while it was on
and at first the little blue computer with soot on it
smiled at doing what his creator liked him to do
which is emit carbon
as he zoomed around town
then one day as he went for a walk with his creator
he was noticing his favorite thing on earth
a tree
and as he enjoyed the beautiful trees
on the sidewalk
he saw his carbon smoke go up into the tree
and the tree drooped
and looked unhappy covered in that smoke
little robot went home
droopy that day
sad
and his creator didn't notice
because the creator was always more obsessed with himself
and his thoughts and inventions
little robot went into the corner
sad bc he thought the only way to stop
hurting the trees was to turn himself off
which he didn't want to do bc he loved life
and living
so then he thought i have to stop polluting
but how could he?
thats how he had been programmed from inception!!
so he thought and thought
to be continued...

then he realized the smoke emits
whenever he opens his mouth
so if he could keep his mouth closed
then he wouldn't hurt the trees
but the problem was that the robot
loved to talk
and talked all the time
mainly to himself
so then he thought some more
and decided that
if he could stop talking
everything would be okay
so he thought about how he could talk
without expelling soot
"AWWW...when I am eating!!"

so the next day robot decided he
would only talk when he was eating
that way the food going in would
block the smoke coming out

by the end of the day
robot was so full
he felt dizzy
and sick
so he went to sleep
and had a dream

in his dream
he was walking around
and some nice fresh
air was coming out of his
mouth
and all the trees were
perky and excited

he woke up so happy
and then became so sad
when he realized it was a dream

then he thought
and thought
and went for a walk
and saw how smokey
the trees would get
as he passed them by

he came home
and looked at his creator
who was busy building another robot
he asked him
"why do i make all the trees black?"
"u don't! trees love u! they love to eat your smoke! they need it!"
"but they don't look like it, they look droopy and not shiny"
"yea...well...maybe they have a little too much smoke around them w the cars & things"

and he had an idea
what if he put a tree
inside of him
that could eat the smoke?
and he went to sleep smiling with that idea
in the middle of the night he woke

he felt a tickling on his back
he turned his head around and saw his
creator putting
black cubes into his backside
"what are you doing?"
"if I don't do this you won't be able to move or talk or anything!"

little robot didn't sleep that night
the next morning he snuck out of the house
and went to the toyota dealership down the interstate
and asked them to fix him
"I don't want to use that ugly stuff to live"
"we can't fix you!!"
"why!!" the little robot yelled and zoomed outside of the
dealership
as he was leaving the janitor ran after him
"i think i can fix you!"
so little robot went to the janitor's shop
and the janitor turned him off
and sparks flew
and drills screamed
until he was finished three hours later
he woke little robot
and little robot smiled
grateful to see the nice janitor in
the yellow jumpsuit
and he started to zoom around the room
when he suddenly turned off!
the janitor in the yellow jumpsuit ran
to the corner of the room,
grabbed a cord
and pushed into the electrical plug in the wall
little robot turned on
his eyes adjusting
he realized what happened
"you have to be charged before you can go around"
the janitor told robot
you can do it while you sleep
little robot stayed at the janitor garage to charge enough
to get home
then he took his first buzz down the street
he couldn't find any trees at first
because the janitor lived next to the toyota dealership
which was near the interstate
which robot had take to get back home
so he couldn't really see the benefit of his
smokeless mouth
until he came to the sidewalk in front of the
alcoholic creator's atrium house
and he talked and talked and nothing came out of his
mouth
nothing crept up onto the trees
no smoke, no black, nothing
robot started to cry
he had never known such joy
he was no longer harming the universe
he went inside
and plugged himself in
and went to sleep
until he was woken in the middle of the night
by the alcoholic creator

ny times decides its cool to be awkward

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/17/talk-deeply-be-happy/?src=me&ref=homepage

edacious

edacious is the word of the day. i like the sound of it. but sort of not necessary since we already have voracious. i have an edacious apetite for crazy countries.

i have an edacious compulsion to share.

blogs are weird bc something that would seem fine in a letter, suddenly seems a bit exhibitionist. and self-obsessed. to one person it might b fine, a dialogue, a discussion, but to a bunch of anonymous people...hmmm..

I've been here before

Two years ago
and two year before
that
the moment
before
the days before
I have chosen reliable
over fun
Chosen fun
over reliable again
back and forth in
swinging steady
like wind that reacts to one
wall
and then hits the other
back and forth
the Spring comes late this year
the Sun dares
to glare
we wear colors
reminiscent
of its finer days
beckoning it to hear
our inner cries
for vitamin d
I have been here before
in between
the moment before a choice
the very thrilling
stillness
before an option
knowing its coming
I prepare
it won't be a teeter
totter this time
neither either or
this time it will be
that doesn't wobble
standing strong on
my stake in the ground

the smell of green
and the feel of dirt
under my feet
I stop and go
in order not to sink