the bird

In my chest
leaves bounced daintily
against a sweet breeze
across my skin
was like the light of
dusk reflecting off
the ocean
a round blue glass
filled with cold water
dripped tears
onto the breakfast table
a bird sputters away
from the windowsill
realizing I am near
her coat is the color
of woods

Rain

the trees make
black trimmed buoyant clouds
on the sidewalk
against the orange light
of the lamp post
the rains had fallen
so much this spring
that even the concrete was clean
it smelled
like the inside of a cut
leaf
the nectar
enhanced by the remaining mist
from the downpour

A+B= A+B

There is a linear way to live
and there is another way to live
Some places are easier when you live linearly
Some place are easier when you live non-linearly
I want to try to live non-linearly in a linear place

The Judgement

I thought the world was split in two.
Those that judged
and those that were judged.
Those that judge were the smart good valuable ones
those that were judged were worthless
I looked for the rules of the judges
and studied them
so I could be a judge too
I though I was in the group of being judged
I started to learn the rules of the judgers
and then I saw
that there aren't two groups
or even three
everybody seems
to make their own rules
with their own logic
it was all quite arbitrary
and so I realized
that I don't have to be a judge
and I can be judged
as long as I am doing what I like
it makes no difference to me

Nuance

Sometimes, when I'm looking for big obvious answers and conclusions I miss small hints and clues.

Scurry intimacy

Intimacy is scurry
because is someone says they love you
and then you show them
all of you
you know the
emotional
fallible
you
and they go away
then you really feel
unloved
and rejected
but its great too
because if they still love
you
then you feel really calm
and happy

All that is deserved

If you are good
and you are kind
if you seek
beauty and truth
and care mainly
and mostly
about love
if you come from love
and end in love
then all you deserve is love
people can write
it
people can explain it
but until you realize it yourself
until that moment
when you figure out
that the status quo
of always waiting
of always getting half
of what you give
is not okay
until that moment
you won't know
that you can have
much more

Disfunctional Family

Rationalization

The mind is naturally theorizing,
theorizing,
theorizing
uncomfortable
with not knowing
it theorizes

Success

A day outside
A day writing
A day managing
A day fundraising
A day teambuilding
A day accomplishing
A day listening
A day sitting
A day swimming
A day walking
A day meditating
A day cooking
A day negotiating
A day researching
A day framing
A day consoling
A day watching
A day performing
A day dancing
A day traveling
A day problem solving
A day laughing
A day losing
A day gaining
A day reading
A day raising
A day loving
A day being

The aggregate of days
is a lifetime
variety
is happiness
it seems
its just not one thing

Uncertainty

Old People

I think old people
know something
young people
don't
and it takes a lifetime
to learn it
that some things
can't be known
and can't be done
and life is not about that
its about living it
how it is
or something like that
I am too young to know

More on not obsessing

http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/blog/2009/05/20/layman-pang-when-the-mind-is-at-peace/

Ambiguity

is gooey
and to make it go away
i wash
and wash
until
there is nothing

now I am going to sit
in it
and see what happens
when I don't know
how this minute
is gonna go

Its okay
not to know
over and over
again

Domination

What was special and strange about being in all that nature, in that valley of green was that for first time in a long time I felt like I was the minority and the guest, that the land was not controlled by me; as they flew from tree to tree, the birds ignored me and the hundred or so other humans lucky and hungry enough to be sitting and standing or dancing in the crook of those two Andean mountains ranges, the air and trees dominated over me, the sounds and rain came as they pleased, I was determined by them, and they were governed by their own laws, maps, design- the source and logic of which we had become too dense to understand- unlike the city where the squirrels, birds, trees fit neatly into my walk down the sidewalk to work, here, we had to follow nature’s way, and we were crap at it, though like a distant memory that one just cannot place, there was a sense that perhaps we once could, but we had become impotent, had forgotten something and couldn't remember what it was, it was like a faint scent of nostalgia,like remembering a smell from an estranged hometown in an abandoned country, this ability we once had to stay in the valley; as we stood out looking onto the valley the rain began to pour, unable to find what we had lost, we got into the taxi and left for the restaurant.

Trust

the trees
don't hide
when the
sun shines bright
and they don't
hide when the rain
comes down
they just grow
grow
grow

Today
If I looked inside
there would be a big bright light
hiding under a blanket

Working

When I work many 12 hour days in a row
I start to look like I am a hundred years old
and I lose joy
and smiles
I just feel robotic
and I get so grateful
for the days
when I used to play
more

Steam

Steam danced gracefully
in the space above
the hot dark tea
the white air
did turns and moved
around like a belly
dancer moving her
hips
and then stretching up
into the sky
like a ballerina
and then disappearing

a slow Al Green
love song
plays respectful
of the slow
quiet morning

Im outta here!!

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

This movie is making me want to finally leave this world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was meant to be in the wild!!!!!!!
No more linear processes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From the earth To the earth!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heavy Drops

the rain fell
hard against concrete
I laid in observance
of it
on my bed
at 9 PM
It tapped on air conditioners
and fences
though the drops were not many
it wasn't a flood
each one
hit hard
I thought about the end
and how these drops
are what I will miss

Summer Possibility

Summer afternoon
came in spring
barbeques
and beer
The possiblities
of summer
peaked their heads
it was an unknown
we were all
grateful for

Expectations Confidence and Mood

Lessons lesson lessons, they seem to be happening every day these days. What ever happened to the days of free floating daydreaming and no responsibilty? Now it seems I have to learn ten things every day.

Today I learned what it can feel like if someone doesn't trust your work, doesn't put confidence in you, and treats you like an idiot even though you are trying your hardest.

It wasn't me that wasn't trusted, but I learned from watching that it can really break down a person's ability to succeed.

Skeptics and critics

Those that do not trust are not to be trusted.

Skeptics and critics

Those that do not trust are not to be trusted.

RESPONSIBILililililiilililiITIES ties TIES TIES TES TE SSSSS STIE STIE STIE

MAKE ME WANT TO ESCAPE

What it feels like to be in the tiny little space

of right now.

I had a brief moment of apathy last night and this morning where I cared little about all that I wasn't doing or being and cared only about very basic things like sleeping, eating, and going to work.

It was strangely very calming.

Cool technology- not sure how necessary tho

http://www.awayfind.com/

For when you are traveling and you want to differentiate between urgent and not urgent emails.

http://www.rememberthemilk.com/

For task lists. I downloaded a cheaper version for my iphone "remind me".

Immigrants part two

The kids of immigrants also rebel in ways their parents couldn't.

Immigrants

the kids of immigrants work to achieve what their parents couldn't.

Don't

be what you aren't. Spent the day trying to become an expert on something to write on it, only left me frustrated, and with nothing written.
Lesson: don't try to become an expert in 8 hours.

I hate not knowing what I don't know.

Find the problems; seek them out

Its funny how scared I am to ask hard questions because I am scared of the answers. I am usually scared that people won't live up to what I need from them or that they will not be happy with me, still like me after I probe. There ain't nothing to be scared of. Solutions arise only after problems come to the surface.

First Woman in 341 years

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/02/world/europe/02poet.html?ref=global-home