Flying

The quiet of flying
must be like the quiet
of morning
the mind of flying
must have the stillness
of a glass of water
the breeze of flying
must be like
the touch of gentle hand
on the face
the humility of flying
must be like
facing death
flying
must be like
realizing
that all we do
down here
is rather silly

Purty Purty Lovey Dovey

its fun to shoot for the stars but its too much some times

When there is a feeling that there is more I could be doing and I am not, I feel crappy. But therein lies another problem, bc its two things yes, I have a destiny/purpose something I want to do and need to do that gives me a sense of self-worth BUT I need to stop holding such high expectations of me and my life, at least slow it down a bit, and remember over and over again that I am where I am supposed to be. The more I expect from me, the unhappier I am.

And and and...just realizing that I don't have to be a super star to be important, special or worthy.

Revolution

Know why I like this web 2.0 stuff?

Bc its super democratic, and it’s the new wave of capitalism, its not about us consuming what we are given by a select group of people, its about us consuming something we are part of creating, us determining what is important,

And about open source software- its about getting something catered and tailored for a person or for a group, without feeling like its some product or something that someone owns that only has value because it has to be paid for, no actually it has value bc its valuable to a person or a group of peopel, and i don't have to pay for it, I only have to pay to maybe fix it up a bit, its not exclusionary like capitalism is, like "i can't share this, or give this" bc then someone will steal it or steal my profit, nope its like there is plenty to go around, and actually we don't need so much bloody profit going to the one lucky dude that figured it out in the first place, in fact we share software and development for other reasons, because its fun to be challenged, its fun to use your brain, to work with people as curious and motivated to create as you are. thats the new wave. we do our work bc we like it, we work with others bc it motivates us, makes our lives more fulfilled, profit is soo 2000s! and whatever we create, we don't exclude others from using it to make their lives better.

Status Quo

How comfortable is the status quo? The predictable? Comfortable enough so that we don't do the work to do what we really want to do?

Freedom to Violate

At 8PM I left my office and walked home. I walked down the same crowded main neighborhood street right between Dupont Circle and Adams Morgan that I walk down every morning and every evening. Monday night I walked home at 11PM, without a worry because the neighborhood is tame and full of world bank, NGO, law professionals.
I was enjoying the cool breeze and the sunset when suddenly a man on a bike rides past me and says something and grabs my arm. Startled I yell “what the fuck.” I stand there in complete confusion and disbelief that someone had grabbed me in such an aggressive way. I stand there knowing that it wasn’t because I was in his way. I know something weird just happened.
Then I see him turn around and I feel very uncomfortable. I am not sure why but it all feels creepy and unsafe. I am standing there in tight skirt, flat shoes and laptop computer, my self-defense mechanisms of running, kicking, pulling felt completely unrealistic. I felt cornered. Then I feel him ride his bike slowly behind me and he is apologizing for startling me, and says “I think the hairs on your arms are sexy” and then I know something is wrong. I said “you shouldn’t touch people like that.” And he continues to ride slowly alongside me as I walk. Eventually he gives up and says “okay have a good day” and with that he grabs my arm again, holding it until he has pedaled away.
What amazes me is how fast he had all the power. As soon as normal boundaries are overstepped, it was like I was totally powerless. With him on a bike, and me alone and in shitty shoes and a tight skirt, I felt really limited. But not only that, I was shocked, he could touch me! Nobody can touch me without my permission, how could he, whenever he wanted? And that’s when I realized that I take for granted that those rules will be obeyed.
There are things I could have done. I could have gone into the street, to give others visibility if anything else happened. I could have looked him straight in the face for longer than I did. I wanted him to go away and I didn’t want to give him any more attention, and ultimately I think that’s why he did ride his bike away.

the good news

the good news
is that we
forget
why we are
where we are
and we get grumpy
and irritated
and annoyed
at it
this place
that we are
and then
something happens
a synapse fires off
neurons, healthy ones,
start working
and we remember
exactly
the
reasons
why
we came here
in the first place
all the things
that make it good
and we smile
real big
thankful
that we didn't
leave

Maz Jobrani

My sister and I sat at the top of the auditorium. First we observed the plastic surgery, wondering why we were the only Iranian women that hadn’t ever gotten plastic surgery. Some of the nose jobs looked cheap, some looked like art-perfectly chiseled cartilage. A group of girls was split up by the numbers on the their tickets, and unable to face this limitation on their social time, the one separated from the rest of the crew looked at her friends “manam mikhaam baa shoma beshinam” in a sort of baby voice that in my perspective made her seem like a complete child but in their context was her way to get her friend to say “come sit here no one cares.” And so she got the encouragement she was looking for and dragged her boyfriend with her.
Next came the idiot couple. She was hot. And had an eating disorder. He was mohawky and wore expensive jeans. Neither knew how to relate numbers and letters on their tickets to the numbers and letters marking the rows and seats. We watched them walk all the way down the right aisle in front of us, walk back, her in something like 4 inch heels, then they walked all the way down the left top row only to walk back down an aisle lower down and sit in the two seats right at the edge of the aisle.
Next came the first mixed couple, a hot and stylish Iranian girl, with an equally hot and stylish black guy. They struggled a bit their tickets. Actually, most people we watched struggled with their tickets.
Then came the super control freak white woman with bangs hair sprayed into straight lines on her forward so that she had a perfect rectangle and her Iranian boyfriend. They were earlier, around 35, and would most definitely be divorced in 5-7 years.
The Iranian Dolly Parton made an appearance somewhere far in the distance. Thanks to her big blond hair, it wasn’t hard to spot her though she was many rows down.
The mid-forties wanna-be artists couple showed up too. Both of them wore black shirts, jeans, and he had not one, but two pony tails.

You really need financial peace and free time to find yourself. The distractions of survival, people and jobs can prevent it.

Hallelujah

http://kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/may-it-please-the-court/

Sometimes

I work so much that my brain can't rest. I have to stop, put my hand on my heart, and follow my breath to get out of my head.

The Ugly Side of Awmrika

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/opinion/23soufan.html?em

Friends

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?_r=1&em

Immigrants

There is a population of people out there that no matter how much I want to understand, I won't because I am not them. Immigrants do the miraculous. Beyond all the struggle of a new language, a new culture, the daily struggle, immigrants do something else. They lower their expectations of what they had hoped to be down to what the world allows them to be. And they do that everyday.

Sometimes

you gotta feel worse
to feel better

and you gotta stop
and change direction
to move forward

Aloof

I keep trying
The white sky
The sound of cars
Making waves
In the rain filled streets
The cloudiness

Loss of social norms

that promote civility between men and women...?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/14/health/14klas.html?em

I'm totally overwhelmed but it will be okay

I think writing happens when we need it to, it’s like a personal intervention

peace

Is knowing that the answers will come. They always do. Knowing that we are doing exactly what we should be doing. And we will get what we need, if not what we want.

the alienation of the modern day worker

These days, going to work feels like some sort of surreal dream, where I don't really recognize the people, the atmosphere, or the tasks required of me. I wonder if they can see me as I sit at my desk. I kind of think I am invisible. I read things on my computer but my brain doesn't know how to process them, much less add to them. I see indicators and targets and my brain is passive. I have no targets, just daydreams. I have no indicators, just images in my mind.

Too much sales pitch, not enough product

I feel the need to expose the tourist trap of wine country in California. As my colleague says "too much sales pitch, not enough product."

The wines were overpriced, the tastings cost money, it was couple hell, and overall, extremely superficial.

I recommend Sonoma valley back country instead.

Architect is recognized

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/13/arts/design/13pritzker.html?_r=1&hpw

"You can do your work, you do your thing, and it gets recognized,”

Long distance relationship part six

Long distance relationships are a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that the time spent together is focused solely on each other, something modern day live-in couples seem to have problems doing. Between errands, work, and maintaining hobbies and friendships, couples that live together seem to rely on tiny moments before bed when they are exhausted to connect with each other. The other option is weekend mornings when they prefer just to relax rather than find out how the other is doing.

So those of us in long distance relationship get unfiltered, concentrated, and insulated time together where emails are not checked, phones do not ring, all there is the two of us. For any human, the individual care and attention of another for a prolonged period is just plain nice.

And then comes the curse. Because the time is sacred, so valuable, so special, it is often allocated towards the enjoyable, the pleasant, the escape rather than towards the difficult conversations, the discovering,explaining and discussion of concerns. Often the conversations occur, but they are rarely resolved as the weeks and time that is needed to address them slowly and gently are not available. So these relationships can both prolong an unsuccessful coupling as well as prevent one.

I have seen long distance couples take the plunge, make the move, and make it happen. I have seen others prolong. The difference between the two? It reminds me of something my friend told me. His girlfriend asked her dad when she was young what love is and her father responded "timing."

Lost

I was lost
lost lost
It was all doomed
where was I going
what was it
all for?

hallelujah

good shit happens

got sick

shut down

deadlines
passed

obligations
were overlooked

time passed
in quiet
solitude